yucky day

This was Lil' Miss the last time she had an asthma attack.

It's been so long since she experienced such an attack that I didn't immediately recognize she was even having one. But I knew "it" was bad enough to require a trip to the emergency room. Luckily that visit only lasted about 4 hours. She's been given a new inhaler, new nebulizer medicine, and a pretty strong antibiotic.

One new problem here though, is that she gets nauseous (and eventually vomits within 30 minutes) after each breathing treatment. Even her antibiotics took two tries to get it to stay down this morning. *sigh* Understandably, she's really not thrilled with her new meds.

She'll be home from school for the rest of the week, so I stopped by and picked up some homework for her to do during her moments of boredom and restlessness. Needless to say mom is pretty tired from all the cleaning and extra caretaking, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Yesterday was also my son's 14th birthday. Because of his schooling and all the commotion it was late afternoon before I was able to call and wish him a "Happy Birthday!" His stepmom answered and told me that "K" was failing ALL EIGHT of his classes and since nothing seems to get his attention, part of his new punishment was that he wasn't allowed to talk on the phone for very long, even to me. (WTF!!!) So she puts him on the phone and I say hello and wish him a happy birthday, then ask how his birthday has been so far. At that point he begins to whimper and cry. Then I hear his stepmom in the background telling him he has to get off the phone; that "that is what happens when you don't keep your grades up..." blah blah blah! I try not to cry but instead encourage him to stay strong and try to have a good birthday. I hang up the phone and just lose it, I was so heartbroken and angry. What bullshit mind games to pull on a child!! I understand he's in serious trouble for once again failing his classes, but come on. He only gets ONE day a year to to feel like he's the most important person! Everyone deserves to enjoy at least that one day of feeling special. I was really angry and could only imagine what he was feeling.

Wanda called me back about 15 minutes later to apologize and try to explain why they're doing this. I tell her I do understand the severity of his inactions but that I didn't agree with him being made to feel like crap on his birthday; his one and only special day of the year. We went round and round and I told her I just felt it wasn't fair to him and not fair to us and that I felt there was other ways to punish him, just NOT on his birthday. We couldn't seem to agree, but we didn't argue or fight either. I told her about how stressed out I was over life and everything going on and that this was just one more thing to make me feel like a lousy mom. She listened to me complain. She also explained that "K" just didn't seem to care and nothing seemed to be working at making him do his work and that they felt this drastic measure was needed. Again I agreed with him needing drastic measures but that cutting him off from me and Lil' Miss was just wrong.

We hung up and I was still angry, but somewhat calmer at least. While I ran to the store to get dinner and Lil' Miss' meds, "K" called to say he loved me and knew I loved him and that he was going to work at bringing up his grades. I called him back once at home and was glad to hear him sounding less upset. I didn't "beat him up" over the bad grades, but let him know he was letting himself down as much as anyone else and that he was way too smart for "F's" and that I knew he could bring them up if he focused on what to do. He sounded more at ease and even got to talk to Lil' Miss for minute as she wished him a "happy birthday."

I have to say that while I'm glad Wanda seemed to have some compassion, I'm still angry that they would use my son's relationship with his family as a punishment.

So my question for you is this: when you've taken away everything and your child still doesn't seem to care, what would you do? How much is too much and how little is too little?

Flirting and Online Sex

~sensitive sexual issue. proceed with caution if you're easily offended.~

I like to flirt. I'm not always a great flirt, but I still like to do it. There has never been a single time that I have flirted or anything else** that I haven't been completely open with Glenn about it. I tell him everything. E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. Sometimes to a fault, but I do not like lies or hidden truths. And to be fair, Glenn is a very personable guy who can be friends with anyone he talks to without ever really trying. He's somewhat of a flirt himself and I think it's cute.

This was an issue long ago which seems to have resurfaced recently in the way of hidden online chats and online sex.

So here's my questions: Why do people act out online, what they won't be in reality? And then hide it like it wasn't them? What would you do? Is online sex and flirtatious chatting, really cheating? Or does it depend of preset boundaries in your relationship?


**There's more to this story that one day I shall divulge to the masses.

~If you were here earlier you saw a much more detailed post above. Obviously I've edited it down to be less personal and to protect those who can't defend themselves here and who shouldn't have to publicly. Thank you Dale for pointing out my error in judgement. And to anyone who may have read more than I should have posted or who may have been hurt by what I publicly posted, I am VERY SORRY.~

All This Over A Ham Sandwich???

The following workplace e-mail exchange is said to have taken place recently at a Sydney, Australia law firm between two secretaries, resulting in both women being fired! Snopes has more about it as well as links if you're interested.

KATRINA NUGENT 9.39am: Yesterday I put my lunch in the fridge on Level 19 which included a packet of ham, some cheese slices and two slices of bread which was going to be for my lunch today. Over night it has gone missing and as I have no spare money to buy another lunch today, I would appreciate being reimbursed for it.

MELINDA BIRD 9.55: Katrina, There are items fitting your exact description in the level 20 fridge. Are you sure you didn't place your lunch in the wrong fridge yesterday?

KATRINA NUGENT 10.06: Melinda, probably best you don't reply to all next time, would be annoyed to the lawyers. The kitchen was not doing dinner last night, so obviously someone has helped themselves to my lunch. Really sweet of you to investigate for me!

MELINDA BIRD 10.14: Katrina, since I used to be a float and am still on the level 19 email list I couldn't help but receive your ridiculous email - lucky me! You use our kitchen all the time for some unknown reason and I saw the items you mentioned in the fridge so naturally thought you may have placed them in the wrong fridge. Thanks I know I'm sweet and I only had your best interests at heart. Now as you would say, "BYE"!

KATRINA NUGENT 10.15: I'm not blonde!!!

MELINDA BIRD 10.16: Being a brunette doesn't mean you're smart though!

KATRINA NUGENT 10.17: I definitely wouldn't trade places with you for "the world"!

MELINDA BIRD 10.19: I wouldn't trade places with you for the world... I don't want your figure!

KATRINA NUGENT 10.21: Let's not get person (sic) "Miss Can't Keep A Boyfriend". I am in a happy relationship, have a beautiful apartment, brand new car, high pay job...say no more!!

MELINDA BIRD 10.23: Oh my God I'm laughing! happy relationship (you have been with so many guys), beautiful apartment (so what), brand new car (me too), high pay job (I earn more)....say plenty more... I have 5 guys at the moment! haha.

Women's Ass Size Study

There is a new study out about women and how they feel about their asses. I thought the results were pretty interesting:

85% of women think their ass is too fat...
10% of women think their ass is too skinny...

The other 5% say that they don't care, they love him, he's a good man, and they would have married him anyway.

Sunday Confession

I've got a confession to make. Well I don't GOTTA make it, but it's on my mind and I feel the need to get it off my chest (pun intended).

I'm fascinated with breasts. All kinds of breasts. And pects too. I've caught myself on numerous occasions staring at a person's chest and felt embarrassed that I couldn't seem to look away or at least UP. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't often a turn-on, but really it's not always like that. I've just always thought that the human body was beautiful, but seem to be drawn to breasts more and more.

Lately, while watching TV or out at the grocery store, I'll notice something about someone's chest and mention it to Glenn. He usually just laughs and gives me that look that says, you're goofy. The other day I said something to him about some woman on TV and he looked over at me and said, "What is it with you and boobs? You seem to be looking at everyone's boobs!"

I immediately went into defensive mode and said, "NO I don't!"

To which he replied, "Yes. Yes you do."

I had to step back and think about it and finally it hit me: He was right. I'm addicted to boobs! What can I say? I think they are wonderful works of art.

Tonight I was watching sports on the news and I noticed Bill Parcells, coach of the Dallas Cowboys has big old "man-boobs" and I couldn't stop staring. And laughing!


I AM ADDICTED! OhMiGosh! *blushing*

*Oh well, sometimes breasts are a REALLY good thing, like here:

Another Whiny Ass Post a.k.a. "Woe Is Me: Chapter 73"

It's been a long 7 weeks since I was last employed and bringing home any income. I've had to call my dad in California twice to ask for financial help. (Well technically the first time my sister called him and told him I needed help because I didn't want to ask him after having borrowed $1K last December for medical reasons.) I've been getting food every two weeks from the local food pantry which mostly consists of bread and sweets (that are too high in sugar and carbs for this diabetic) and lots of beans and spaghetti noodles. It doesn't last very long, but it does help.

Anyhow, I've just been stretched really thin (though not thin where I'd like *wink*) lately and today has been a mental challenge to NOT give up. I know things will get better, but I'm still stressed.

I sent the following message to a friend, who currently is taking FEMA calls (not who they work for) just trying to clear my head of all the thoughts running around in there:

How's the long hours going? I hear people are having LONG waits or getting busy signals when calling FEMA. Are you hearing that a lot too? Do the calls all take a long time to complete?

I miss working. Funny, isn't it? I mean I would usually rather spend time at home in bed, but mostly lately I've felt like I'm trapped in this house without a car, without money and with no one to talk to except myself and the critters. Cabin fever, BIG TIME!!! I'm stressing over not having enough money to pay my bills, or anything else. And I checked up on some job applications today. They've either been filled or are now in a hiring freeze so that they can fill positions with people displaced by Katrina. I'm frustrated by that, and yet I feel guilty too because at least I have more than most of them do. But I can't keep calling my dad and asking him to pay my bills for me. Here's how crappy I feel right now.....I've thought about either joining the army (not seriously, but it's crossed my mind) or moving to California with my dad to work, but that would mean leaving Glenn and Lil' Miss here, which would make things REALLY HARD for everyone. Why can't I just find a job? Not even McDonald's is hiring right now, even though the night before Katrina hit, they said they were. This is not cool, ya know?

But I do have more than many people. And I'm thankful for that. But I still have more needs than I can afford and know that at any second, something could go wrong (my front tires are bare, the front headlight cover is broken, my registration and inspection are nearly due, Char has school pics next week, and now wants to join Girl Scouts which I can't even think about affording, or worse, what if one of us gets sick and needs medical attention we can't afford) and so we're just juggling it all and trying not to sink. Then ya know how I feel about fucking welfare and how people like my sister are milking it and every other social program available, dry. Well tonight I saw a story on the news about people who lost everything. Jobs, homes, cars, family. Obviously a hard situation to be in and even harder to get up from without some help. Well they're being told by FEMA and other state agencies (Welfare and HUD, food stamps and TANF, etc.) that BECAUSE they were NOT receiving "assistance" before the hurricane and thus not "in the system" that there is little that can be done for them, as federal law requires assistance be offered to those who were in the system before helping anyone else. So what now??? You've worked hard all your life, never been on welfare and now that you DO need a little help, you're fucked because.....you HAD before and they didn't??? That's so messed up , I can't even explain how I'm feeling right now.

Is it wrong for me to feel screwed because any chance at getting a job and staying off welfare (which I haven't applied for) is now being reserved for those who are now without EVERYTHING? Basically the order of help right now seems to be this:
1.) Hurricane survivors who were on welfare.
2.)Hurricane survivors who supported themselves 100%.
3.) Any one here locally who is on welfare and receiving job education free as well as assitance looking for and getting a job. (Did you know that MANY companies like Blockbuster and Albertsons's.....both companies I applied for some time back.....receive tax credits for hiring people on welfare????)
4.) The rest of us, who just need a stinking job!!!!


OK, gonna stop bitching now. I just needed to get that off my chest! I'm sorry I've vented all over you again, but I thank you for listening. BIG HUGS, Sweetie!

I've also been irritated all week over shit breaking around the house that I need. First it was the fan I bought in April. Then the lawn mower I bought in March. My washing machine broke after less than a year, but because it was second hand, there's no warranty. My computer (BOB) is acting up and not always working like it should. My dishwasher's water line broke, but my landlord's husband is dying of cancer so I don't want to bother her with something so petty. I know how to wash dishes just fine by hand. My front porch light fixture died on me, and is easily fixed, but I don't have the money to buy a new one and I'm toooooo scared to mess with electricity. And don't get me started on how high my glucose levels have been or how bad my eyesight and hearing have been. I'm only 36 for crying out loud!!!!

Ok, well gonna go soak my head in bleach and see if I can clean it out any!

Out Of The Mouth Of My Babe

I was making breakfast for Lil' Miss today.

Me: "Do you want your eggs fried or scrambled?"

Her: "Scrambled! You know I don't like fried."

Me: "I thought you did like fried eggs sometimes."

Her: "Sometimes you make fried and I eat them. Like when you KNOW how to cook."

Me: *BlinkBlink*

Her: "I mean, you know HOW to cook, but not always eggs."

Me: "Oh. Ok." *scrambled her some eggs*

***Be sure to check out the update on the bottom of my previous post***

What I've Seen And Heard.....

is shocking;
makes me angry;
fills me with joy;
confuses me;
makes me appreciate what I have;

and it continues to unravel before me.

I watch on TV,
listen to my police scanner,
hear talk shows talking,
read blogs.

It's everywhere,
yet few can put into words
every emotion I feel.

I'm overwhelmed.
I'm lucky.
I'm holding in what I want to say.

Life.
To be continued....

*UPDATE*
This was my attempt to deal with Hurricane Katrina in the simplest of ways. This wasn't meant to be a story I wrote that would "be continued" but rather a play on words. Life continues, always. Sorry if I confused y'all.