Another Whiny Ass Post a.k.a. "Woe Is Me: Chapter 73"

It's been a long 7 weeks since I was last employed and bringing home any income. I've had to call my dad in California twice to ask for financial help. (Well technically the first time my sister called him and told him I needed help because I didn't want to ask him after having borrowed $1K last December for medical reasons.) I've been getting food every two weeks from the local food pantry which mostly consists of bread and sweets (that are too high in sugar and carbs for this diabetic) and lots of beans and spaghetti noodles. It doesn't last very long, but it does help.

Anyhow, I've just been stretched really thin (though not thin where I'd like *wink*) lately and today has been a mental challenge to NOT give up. I know things will get better, but I'm still stressed.

I sent the following message to a friend, who currently is taking FEMA calls (not who they work for) just trying to clear my head of all the thoughts running around in there:

How's the long hours going? I hear people are having LONG waits or getting busy signals when calling FEMA. Are you hearing that a lot too? Do the calls all take a long time to complete?

I miss working. Funny, isn't it? I mean I would usually rather spend time at home in bed, but mostly lately I've felt like I'm trapped in this house without a car, without money and with no one to talk to except myself and the critters. Cabin fever, BIG TIME!!! I'm stressing over not having enough money to pay my bills, or anything else. And I checked up on some job applications today. They've either been filled or are now in a hiring freeze so that they can fill positions with people displaced by Katrina. I'm frustrated by that, and yet I feel guilty too because at least I have more than most of them do. But I can't keep calling my dad and asking him to pay my bills for me. Here's how crappy I feel right now.....I've thought about either joining the army (not seriously, but it's crossed my mind) or moving to California with my dad to work, but that would mean leaving Glenn and Lil' Miss here, which would make things REALLY HARD for everyone. Why can't I just find a job? Not even McDonald's is hiring right now, even though the night before Katrina hit, they said they were. This is not cool, ya know?

But I do have more than many people. And I'm thankful for that. But I still have more needs than I can afford and know that at any second, something could go wrong (my front tires are bare, the front headlight cover is broken, my registration and inspection are nearly due, Char has school pics next week, and now wants to join Girl Scouts which I can't even think about affording, or worse, what if one of us gets sick and needs medical attention we can't afford) and so we're just juggling it all and trying not to sink. Then ya know how I feel about fucking welfare and how people like my sister are milking it and every other social program available, dry. Well tonight I saw a story on the news about people who lost everything. Jobs, homes, cars, family. Obviously a hard situation to be in and even harder to get up from without some help. Well they're being told by FEMA and other state agencies (Welfare and HUD, food stamps and TANF, etc.) that BECAUSE they were NOT receiving "assistance" before the hurricane and thus not "in the system" that there is little that can be done for them, as federal law requires assistance be offered to those who were in the system before helping anyone else. So what now??? You've worked hard all your life, never been on welfare and now that you DO need a little help, you're fucked because.....you HAD before and they didn't??? That's so messed up , I can't even explain how I'm feeling right now.

Is it wrong for me to feel screwed because any chance at getting a job and staying off welfare (which I haven't applied for) is now being reserved for those who are now without EVERYTHING? Basically the order of help right now seems to be this:
1.) Hurricane survivors who were on welfare.
2.)Hurricane survivors who supported themselves 100%.
3.) Any one here locally who is on welfare and receiving job education free as well as assitance looking for and getting a job. (Did you know that MANY companies like Blockbuster and Albertsons's.....both companies I applied for some time back.....receive tax credits for hiring people on welfare????)
4.) The rest of us, who just need a stinking job!!!!


OK, gonna stop bitching now. I just needed to get that off my chest! I'm sorry I've vented all over you again, but I thank you for listening. BIG HUGS, Sweetie!

I've also been irritated all week over shit breaking around the house that I need. First it was the fan I bought in April. Then the lawn mower I bought in March. My washing machine broke after less than a year, but because it was second hand, there's no warranty. My computer (BOB) is acting up and not always working like it should. My dishwasher's water line broke, but my landlord's husband is dying of cancer so I don't want to bother her with something so petty. I know how to wash dishes just fine by hand. My front porch light fixture died on me, and is easily fixed, but I don't have the money to buy a new one and I'm toooooo scared to mess with electricity. And don't get me started on how high my glucose levels have been or how bad my eyesight and hearing have been. I'm only 36 for crying out loud!!!!

Ok, well gonna go soak my head in bleach and see if I can clean it out any!