First Sermon
In honor of Dale's First Sermon this past weekend (which we're still waiting for word on how it went......*hint*) I've decided to post this little bit of humor to remind us to "live, love, laugh." Way To Go, Dale!
~~~First Sermon~~~
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:
1. Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Big Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11. When Jesus br oke the bread at the last supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me"
12. The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,.
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not:Rub-A-Dub-Dub, thanks for the grub. Yay, God.
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
The Origination of this letter is unknown
~~~First Sermon~~~
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:
1. Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Big Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11. When Jesus br oke the bread at the last supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me"
12. The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,.
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not:Rub-A-Dub-Dub, thanks for the grub. Yay, God.
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
The Origination of this letter is unknown
posted by Zette at 9:35 AM
1 Comments:
ROTFL!!! That's hilarious, Zette! Thanks for that, and thanks for thinking of me. I've been busy with Meagan this weekend and I haven't had time for blogs. My sermon? I'll e-mail you.
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