yucky day

This was Lil' Miss the last time she had an asthma attack.

It's been so long since she experienced such an attack that I didn't immediately recognize she was even having one. But I knew "it" was bad enough to require a trip to the emergency room. Luckily that visit only lasted about 4 hours. She's been given a new inhaler, new nebulizer medicine, and a pretty strong antibiotic.

One new problem here though, is that she gets nauseous (and eventually vomits within 30 minutes) after each breathing treatment. Even her antibiotics took two tries to get it to stay down this morning. *sigh* Understandably, she's really not thrilled with her new meds.

She'll be home from school for the rest of the week, so I stopped by and picked up some homework for her to do during her moments of boredom and restlessness. Needless to say mom is pretty tired from all the cleaning and extra caretaking, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Yesterday was also my son's 14th birthday. Because of his schooling and all the commotion it was late afternoon before I was able to call and wish him a "Happy Birthday!" His stepmom answered and told me that "K" was failing ALL EIGHT of his classes and since nothing seems to get his attention, part of his new punishment was that he wasn't allowed to talk on the phone for very long, even to me. (WTF!!!) So she puts him on the phone and I say hello and wish him a happy birthday, then ask how his birthday has been so far. At that point he begins to whimper and cry. Then I hear his stepmom in the background telling him he has to get off the phone; that "that is what happens when you don't keep your grades up..." blah blah blah! I try not to cry but instead encourage him to stay strong and try to have a good birthday. I hang up the phone and just lose it, I was so heartbroken and angry. What bullshit mind games to pull on a child!! I understand he's in serious trouble for once again failing his classes, but come on. He only gets ONE day a year to to feel like he's the most important person! Everyone deserves to enjoy at least that one day of feeling special. I was really angry and could only imagine what he was feeling.

Wanda called me back about 15 minutes later to apologize and try to explain why they're doing this. I tell her I do understand the severity of his inactions but that I didn't agree with him being made to feel like crap on his birthday; his one and only special day of the year. We went round and round and I told her I just felt it wasn't fair to him and not fair to us and that I felt there was other ways to punish him, just NOT on his birthday. We couldn't seem to agree, but we didn't argue or fight either. I told her about how stressed out I was over life and everything going on and that this was just one more thing to make me feel like a lousy mom. She listened to me complain. She also explained that "K" just didn't seem to care and nothing seemed to be working at making him do his work and that they felt this drastic measure was needed. Again I agreed with him needing drastic measures but that cutting him off from me and Lil' Miss was just wrong.

We hung up and I was still angry, but somewhat calmer at least. While I ran to the store to get dinner and Lil' Miss' meds, "K" called to say he loved me and knew I loved him and that he was going to work at bringing up his grades. I called him back once at home and was glad to hear him sounding less upset. I didn't "beat him up" over the bad grades, but let him know he was letting himself down as much as anyone else and that he was way too smart for "F's" and that I knew he could bring them up if he focused on what to do. He sounded more at ease and even got to talk to Lil' Miss for minute as she wished him a "happy birthday."

I have to say that while I'm glad Wanda seemed to have some compassion, I'm still angry that they would use my son's relationship with his family as a punishment.

So my question for you is this: when you've taken away everything and your child still doesn't seem to care, what would you do? How much is too much and how little is too little?