You Likey?

Lovin' My Tigger

2009-07-24T20:55:00.000-07:00

The Wonderful Thing About Tiggers, is TiggerV's my ONLY ONE!!!

What the HELL is an 'Ass Burger'?

2005-12-11T21:25:00.000-08:00

That was one of my thoughts tonight as I listened to my boys' stepmom on the phone.

"K" has been diagnosed with 'Asperger Syndrome' which is "... a developmental disorder. It is an autism spectrum disorder (ASD), one of a distinct group of neurological conditions characterized by a greater or lesser degree of impairment in language and communication skills, as well as repetitive or restrictive patterns of thought and behavior."

It took awhile before what she was saying sunk in and when it did, the tears began to fall and suddenly I was devastated, terrified and somewhat relieved to finally have an accurate description of what is 'wrong' with my baby boy. The words autism and suicide continue to ring loudly in my head as I try to wrap my brain around what to do next and how I can help my son deal with this. At 14 years old, is he going to be able to reach the potential we know he has inside, or will it be too late to protect him from a grim future?

I'm so mentally tired right now. I'm going to try to sleep on this and hope to awake with a clearer mind and new direction. I shall return, my friends.

Wonderful Wednesday (mostly)

2005-11-09T18:50:00.000-08:00

Thank you all for your kind words about the new job and such. It was great to come home and find something other than spam in my inbox.

Day one of the new job went quite well. Everything seemed to go smoothly and it felt good to not be in a room full of kids with immature attitudes. I didn't feel all alone either as there was a friendly face in a new girl I met last week. So at least I had someone to chat with while we waited for our day to begin. Nothing extraordinary about the day; just lots of paperwork and some very basic training. Maybe tomorrow we'll start some individual training specific to each job description. Not really hard work, but instead lots of common sense stuff. I had to laugh at how elementary some of it was. Thursday and Friday promise to be much busier and less boring, so I can't stay up too late.

On a totally unrelated note: I had a very weird "visitor" this evening. Supposedly a new neighbor from around the corner, asking me all kinds of questions about my life, my house, my comings and goings. She began to make me feel very uncomfortable as I began to question what her motive might be. I hate feeling so insecure in my own home, but sometimes you've just gotta trust your gut. So I asked a friend (along with the firemen across the street) to keep an extra watch on the place while we're gone. Hopefully by next week, we'll have a more stable schedule where one of us will almost always be home.

In the meantime, I've got the critters to scare people away.

Did You Signal Before Making That Left Turn?

2005-10-28T06:40:00.000-07:00

Those things I said I wanted to talk about yesterday? Gonna have to wait. Wanna know why?

Because my boys may be coming here this weekend for the Team Impact Crusade! I don't want to get overly excited like I did here (too late!) but just in case they do visit, I've got stuff to do and clean! And right now my stomach is all in knots with anticipation and worry. The last time they were here with their stepmom, things ended up going terribly wrong. I'll know for sure by the end of the day and will come back to update y'all.

So I'm off to start my To-Do-List.

And just in case you didn't have enough links in this post, here's another. Kinda freaky considering the past few months, no?

*****UPDATE*****
10:00 P.M.
Boys and stepmom will be leaving tomorrow morning (not sure exactly when yet) and will be here for awhile before we have to go to the crusade thingy. All three will be sleeping HERE (yes, even stepmom) and returning home Sunday. I'm so excited. I still have a few things to clean, but the big stuff is either already done or not gonna get done. Right now, I'm just taking a breather so I don't collapse and end up missing out on a great weekend! Even Lil' Miss is full of energy and ideas for her visit with the brothers! Y'all take care; I'll be back with pictures!!!

Wedding Words

2005-10-23T01:15:00.000-07:00

Friday night I was throughly exhausted and enjoying some relaxing time alone on the computer. I was waiting for Lil' Miss to fall asleep, as she had had a very long and busy day and knew she should drop before too long.

So then she came in and asked me to tell her all the words for getting married, and I told her she should try it herself first, especially since I was really tired and not in the mood for dictation. She crawled up on my bed and began to write. I laid down beside her resting my eyes as she finished the vows for her Barbie dolls Annaliesse and Dominick. When she was done she read them to me before she closed her eyes and fell right to sleep.

I was quite impressed so I decided to share with y'all her "wedding words" as she wrote them, punctuation, spelling and capitalization as well.

"We are gatherd Here Today For true Love, if you Have a ring give it to who you are giveing it to Prinsess aniles do you take King dominick to Be your Wedded Husbund? _____ King dominick do you take Prinssess aniles to be your Wedded Wife _____ if anyone thinks these two should not be Married speak NOW you may kiss the bride."

Soon She'll be Cruisin' the Hood

2005-10-16T13:45:00.000-07:00

Quick Question for y'all: Have you ever eaten "hummus"? If so, I'd like to know what you thought of it. I was given an entire case of little cans (3 oz./85g) of this stuff and don't have a freaking clue what to do with it. The only info I've found so far had something to do with using it as a spread on pita bread.

Ok, now on to something more exciting!!! Lil' Miss is NOW officially a "two-wheelin' chick!" I'd asked her earlier this week when she thought she might want to give up those training wheels and to my amazement, she said "tomorrow." We'd tried weaning her from them about a year ago, but she was too scared and swore she'd never take them off.

Well "tomorrow" was a school day with other afternoon plans so I told her we'd take the baby wheels off her bike this weekend. Several times a day, every day she'd remind me of her new found excitement to ride like a big kid. (She's dying to ride her bike to school, which I think is the main catalyst here.) Saturday morning came and mom was dead tired and not exactly thrilled to be out running around but I told her we'd do it, so I got her to give me a break until the afternoon. By the time I was almost ready, the boys' stepmom called and then I talked to my big babies for close to two hours. Then the girls (neighborhood teenagers) stopped by to hang out. Lil' Miss was so eager to get out there and practice.

I'd taken the extra wheels off while talking on the phone, so her bike was just sitting there taunting her to get on. I asked her to give me just a few more minutes to relax then we'd go. Finally she picked up the bike and just sat on it, getting the feel of the unbalanced bike. One of the girls told her to just walk around with it for now, picking up her feet (without putting them on the pedals) and try to balance herself. A few laps around the driveway and Lil' Miss gained some confidence to put her feet up on the pedals for just a moment. Then another moment. And another.

Suddenly, she just started pedaling around and without ANY help, she was riding her bike!!! We just sat there in shock at how easy it was for her. I remember lots of crashing, tears and blood from my boys. Her high pitched squeals of joy were unbelievable and I really wished I'd had a camera to capture this rite of passage!!! Daddy sounded very sad to have missed the moment, so by the light of the full moon and our bright orange Halloween lights, she showed him when he came home from work, riding like a (semi) pro.

And we just smiled and felt the warmth inside as we beamed with pride.

(I dread the thought of her falling and getting hurt, as will surely happen soon, but for now her confidence is sky-high!)

I Love Living In Texas

2005-10-14T07:45:00.000-07:00

I live in a fairly small city. As of the 2000 census, there was only about 32,000 people here. There has been some major economic growth since 2001 and the city is probably well over 40,000 strong now. But in the southern part of town where I live, it's still usually pretty mild. I have a fire station directly across the street from me and across from it is rural land with farm animals and lots of trees and such. This might seem strange in some places, but to have horses and cattle so nearby is comforting to me. It lets me know I'm still close to the country.

So last week I'm sitting outside going thru a cookbook trying to decide how I'm going to cook a pot roast (Dad sent me some money so I bought a roast- the first real meat I've had in the house for some time) that I want to be special. When suddenly comes this really LOUD "Moooooo!" Hearing the cows from time to time is normal, although they tend to stay more north of here especially so early in the morning when kids are going to school. Well I look over to see what the fuss is and what should I see? But the biggest darn cow running in the street, coming my way! Whoa, mama! There are two animal control trucks trying to "herd" her back to safety, but she's not having any of their nonsense. People trying to rush to work are getting pissed that they aren't able to get by the blocked intersection (hello! there's a cow running loose ya morons!) Along comes Farmer Brown, with his lasso in hand running down the street trying to catch ol' Bessie as she zig-zags back and forth between the fire station, the houses nearby and the fence that she is clearly on the wrong side of. I'm standing on the corner in my sweats and stocking feet, looking like white trash, hoping they catch her soon before one of the morons hits her. It takes about 15 minutes and 3 quarters of a mile, but they finally get her out of harm's way. I just laughed as I thought, "I know I'm in Texas NOW!"

And as if that weren't enough excitement for one week, on Saturday morning there was a major accident up the street (thank God I knew the "backways" home) requiring CareFlight to land in the field behind the fire station which is always exciting to watch. Later that same day, I happen to look out the window and casually trotting on by is one big beautiful horse, (with his owner seemingly unaware that it's not exactly the safest area for slow moving farm animals due to the speed demons too careless to slow down for the stop signs).

A cow AND a horse on MY street, only two days apart? WOW! I love TEXAS!

yucky day

2005-09-28T18:00:00.000-07:00

This was Lil' Miss the last time she had an asthma attack.

It's been so long since she experienced such an attack that I didn't immediately recognize she was even having one. But I knew "it" was bad enough to require a trip to the emergency room. Luckily that visit only lasted about 4 hours. She's been given a new inhaler, new nebulizer medicine, and a pretty strong antibiotic.

One new problem here though, is that she gets nauseous (and eventually vomits within 30 minutes) after each breathing treatment. Even her antibiotics took two tries to get it to stay down this morning. *sigh* Understandably, she's really not thrilled with her new meds.

She'll be home from school for the rest of the week, so I stopped by and picked up some homework for her to do during her moments of boredom and restlessness. Needless to say mom is pretty tired from all the cleaning and extra caretaking, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Yesterday was also my son's 14th birthday. Because of his schooling and all the commotion it was late afternoon before I was able to call and wish him a "Happy Birthday!" His stepmom answered and told me that "K" was failing ALL EIGHT of his classes and since nothing seems to get his attention, part of his new punishment was that he wasn't allowed to talk on the phone for very long, even to me. (WTF!!!) So she puts him on the phone and I say hello and wish him a happy birthday, then ask how his birthday has been so far. At that point he begins to whimper and cry. Then I hear his stepmom in the background telling him he has to get off the phone; that "that is what happens when you don't keep your grades up..." blah blah blah! I try not to cry but instead encourage him to stay strong and try to have a good birthday. I hang up the phone and just lose it, I was so heartbroken and angry. What bullshit mind games to pull on a child!! I understand he's in serious trouble for once again failing his classes, but come on. He only gets ONE day a year to to feel like he's the most important person! Everyone deserves to enjoy at least that one day of feeling special. I was really angry and could only imagine what he was feeling.

Wanda called me back about 15 minutes later to apologize and try to explain why they're doing this. I tell her I do understand the severity of his inactions but that I didn't agree with him being made to feel like crap on his birthday; his one and only special day of the year. We went round and round and I told her I just felt it wasn't fair to him and not fair to us and that I felt there was other ways to punish him, just NOT on his birthday. We couldn't seem to agree, but we didn't argue or fight either. I told her about how stressed out I was over life and everything going on and that this was just one more thing to make me feel like a lousy mom. She listened to me complain. She also explained that "K" just didn't seem to care and nothing seemed to be working at making him do his work and that they felt this drastic measure was needed. Again I agreed with him needing drastic measures but that cutting him off from me and Lil' Miss was just wrong.

We hung up and I was still angry, but somewhat calmer at least. While I ran to the store to get dinner and Lil' Miss' meds, "K" called to say he loved me and knew I loved him and that he was going to work at bringing up his grades. I called him back once at home and was glad to hear him sounding less upset. I didn't "beat him up" over the bad grades, but let him know he was letting himself down as much as anyone else and that he was way too smart for "F's" and that I knew he could bring them up if he focused on what to do. He sounded more at ease and even got to talk to Lil' Miss for minute as she wished him a "happy birthday."

I have to say that while I'm glad Wanda seemed to have some compassion, I'm still angry that they would use my son's relationship with his family as a punishment.

So my question for you is this: when you've taken away everything and your child still doesn't seem to care, what would you do? How much is too much and how little is too little?

Flirting and Online Sex

2005-09-26T03:45:00.000-07:00

~sensitive sexual issue. proceed with caution if you're easily offended.~

I like to flirt. I'm not always a great flirt, but I still like to do it. There has never been a single time that I have flirted or anything else** that I haven't been completely open with Glenn about it. I tell him everything. E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. Sometimes to a fault, but I do not like lies or hidden truths. And to be fair, Glenn is a very personable guy who can be friends with anyone he talks to without ever really trying. He's somewhat of a flirt himself and I think it's cute.

This was an issue long ago which seems to have resurfaced recently in the way of hidden online chats and online sex.

So here's my questions: Why do people act out online, what they won't be in reality? And then hide it like it wasn't them? What would you do? Is online sex and flirtatious chatting, really cheating? Or does it depend of preset boundaries in your relationship?

**There's more to this story that one day I shall divulge to the masses.

~If you were here earlier you saw a much more detailed post above. Obviously I've edited it down to be less personal and to protect those who can't defend themselves here and who shouldn't have to publicly. Thank you Dale for pointing out my error in judgement. And to anyone who may have read more than I should have posted or who may have been hurt by what I publicly posted, I am VERY SORRY.~

All This Over A Ham Sandwich???

2005-09-16T06:25:00.000-07:00

The following workplace e-mail exchange is said to have taken place recently at a Sydney, Australia law firm between two secretaries, resulting in both women being fired! Snopes has more about it as well as links if you're interested.

KATRINA NUGENT 9.39am: Yesterday I put my lunch in the fridge on Level 19 which included a packet of ham, some cheese slices and two slices of bread which was going to be for my lunch today. Over night it has gone missing and as I have no spare money to buy another lunch today, I would appreciate being reimbursed for it.

MELINDA BIRD 9.55: Katrina, There are items fitting your exact description in the level 20 fridge. Are you sure you didn't place your lunch in the wrong fridge yesterday?

KATRINA NUGENT 10.06: Melinda, probably best you don't reply to all next time, would be annoyed to the lawyers. The kitchen was not doing dinner last night, so obviously someone has helped themselves to my lunch. Really sweet of you to investigate for me!

MELINDA BIRD 10.14: Katrina, since I used to be a float and am still on the level 19 email list I couldn't help but receive your ridiculous email - lucky me! You use our kitchen all the time for some unknown reason and I saw the items you mentioned in the fridge so naturally thought you may have placed them in the wrong fridge. Thanks I know I'm sweet and I only had your best interests at heart. Now as you would say, "BYE"!

KATRINA NUGENT 10.15: I'm not blonde!!!

MELINDA BIRD 10.16: Being a brunette doesn't mean you're smart though!

KATRINA NUGENT 10.17: I definitely wouldn't trade places with you for "the world"!

MELINDA BIRD 10.19: I wouldn't trade places with you for the world... I don't want your figure!

KATRINA NUGENT 10.21: Let's not get person (sic) "Miss Can't Keep A Boyfriend". I am in a happy relationship, have a beautiful apartment, brand new car, high pay job...say no more!!

MELINDA BIRD 10.23: Oh my God I'm laughing! happy relationship (you have been with so many guys), beautiful apartment (so what), brand new car (me too), high pay job (I earn more)....say plenty more... I have 5 guys at the moment! haha.

Women's Ass Size Study

2005-09-12T08:45:00.000-07:00

There is a new study out about women and how they feel about their asses. I thought the results were pretty interesting:

85% of women think their ass is too fat...
10% of women think their ass is too skinny...

The other 5% say that they don't care, they love him, he's a good man, and they would have married him anyway.

Sunday Confession

2005-09-11T21:30:00.000-07:00

I've got a confession to make. Well I don't GOTTA make it, but it's on my mind and I feel the need to get it off my chest (pun intended).

I'm fascinated with breasts. All kinds of breasts. And pects too. I've caught myself on numerous occasions staring at a person's chest and felt embarrassed that I couldn't seem to look away or at least UP. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't often a turn-on, but really it's not always like that. I've just always thought that the human body was beautiful, but seem to be drawn to breasts more and more.

Lately, while watching TV or out at the grocery store, I'll notice something about someone's chest and mention it to Glenn. He usually just laughs and gives me that look that says, you're goofy. The other day I said something to him about some woman on TV and he looked over at me and said, "What is it with you and boobs? You seem to be looking at everyone's boobs!"

I immediately went into defensive mode and said, "NO I don't!"

To which he replied, "Yes. Yes you do."

I had to step back and think about it and finally it hit me: He was right. I'm addicted to boobs! What can I say? I think they are wonderful works of art.

Tonight I was watching sports on the news and I noticed Bill Parcells, coach of the Dallas Cowboys has big old "man-boobs" and I couldn't stop staring. And laughing!

I AM ADDICTED! OhMiGosh! *blushing*

*Oh well, sometimes breasts are a REALLY good thing, like here:

Another Whiny Ass Post a.k.a. "Woe Is Me: Chapter 73"

2005-09-09T19:45:00.000-07:00

It's been a long 7 weeks since I was last employed and bringing home any income. I've had to call my dad in California twice to ask for financial help. (Well technically the first time my sister called him and told him I needed help because I didn't want to ask him after having borrowed $1K last December for medical reasons.) I've been getting food every two weeks from the local food pantry which mostly consists of bread and sweets (that are too high in sugar and carbs for this diabetic) and lots of beans and spaghetti noodles. It doesn't last very long, but it does help.

Anyhow, I've just been stretched really thin (though not thin where I'd like *wink*) lately and today has been a mental challenge to NOT give up. I know things will get better, but I'm still stressed.

I sent the following message to a friend, who currently is taking FEMA calls (not who they work for) just trying to clear my head of all the thoughts running around in there:

How's the long hours going? I hear people are having LONG waits or getting busy signals when calling FEMA. Are you hearing that a lot too? Do the calls all take a long time to complete?

I miss working. Funny, isn't it? I mean I would usually rather spend time at home in bed, but mostly lately I've felt like I'm trapped in this house without a car, without money and with no one to talk to except myself and the critters. Cabin fever, BIG TIME!!! I'm stressing over not having enough money to pay my bills, or anything else. And I checked up on some job applications today. They've either been filled or are now in a hiring freeze so that they can fill positions with people displaced by Katrina. I'm frustrated by that, and yet I feel guilty too because at least I have more than most of them do. But I can't keep calling my dad and asking him to pay my bills for me. Here's how crappy I feel right now.....I've thought about either joining the army (not seriously, but it's crossed my mind) or moving to California with my dad to work, but that would mean leaving Glenn and Lil' Miss here, which would make things REALLY HARD for everyone. Why can't I just find a job? Not even McDonald's is hiring right now, even though the night before Katrina hit, they said they were. This is not cool, ya know?

But I do have more than many people. And I'm thankful for that. But I still have more needs than I can afford and know that at any second, something could go wrong (my front tires are bare, the front headlight cover is broken, my registration and inspection are nearly due, Char has school pics next week, and now wants to join Girl Scouts which I can't even think about affording, or worse, what if one of us gets sick and needs medical attention we can't afford) and so we're just juggling it all and trying not to sink. Then ya know how I feel about fucking welfare and how people like my sister are milking it and every other social program available, dry. Well tonight I saw a story on the news about people who lost everything. Jobs, homes, cars, family. Obviously a hard situation to be in and even harder to get up from without some help. Well they're being told by FEMA and other state agencies (Welfare and HUD, food stamps and TANF, etc.) that BECAUSE they were NOT receiving "assistance" before the hurricane and thus not "in the system" that there is little that can be done for them, as federal law requires assistance be offered to those who were in the system before helping anyone else. So what now??? You've worked hard all your life, never been on welfare and now that you DO need a little help, you're fucked because.....you HAD before and they didn't??? That's so messed up , I can't even explain how I'm feeling right now.

Is it wrong for me to feel screwed because any chance at getting a job and staying off welfare (which I haven't applied for) is now being reserved for those who are now without EVERYTHING? Basically the order of help right now seems to be this:
1.) Hurricane survivors who were on welfare.
2.)Hurricane survivors who supported themselves 100%.
3.) Any one here locally who is on welfare and receiving job education free as well as assitance looking for and getting a job. (Did you know that MANY companies like Blockbuster and Albertsons's.....both companies I applied for some time back.....receive tax credits for hiring people on welfare????)
4.) The rest of us, who just need a stinking job!!!!

OK, gonna stop bitching now. I just needed to get that off my chest! I'm sorry I've vented all over you again, but I thank you for listening. BIG HUGS, Sweetie!

I've also been irritated all week over shit breaking around the house that I need. First it was the fan I bought in April. Then the lawn mower I bought in March. My washing machine broke after less than a year, but because it was second hand, there's no warranty. My computer (BOB) is acting up and not always working like it should. My dishwasher's water line broke, but my landlord's husband is dying of cancer so I don't want to bother her with something so petty. I know how to wash dishes just fine by hand. My front porch light fixture died on me, and is easily fixed, but I don't have the money to buy a new one and I'm toooooo scared to mess with electricity. And don't get me started on how high my glucose levels have been or how bad my eyesight and hearing have been. I'm only 36 for crying out loud!!!!

Ok, well gonna go soak my head in bleach and see if I can clean it out any!

Out Of The Mouth Of My Babe

2005-09-04T21:30:00.000-07:00

I was making breakfast for Lil' Miss today.

Me: "Do you want your eggs fried or scrambled?"

Her: "Scrambled! You know I don't like fried."

Me: "I thought you did like fried eggs sometimes."

Her: "Sometimes you make fried and I eat them. Like when you KNOW how to cook."

Me: *BlinkBlink*

Her: "I mean, you know HOW to cook, but not always eggs."

Me: "Oh. Ok." *scrambled her some eggs*

***Be sure to check out the update on the bottom of my previous post***

What I've Seen And Heard.....

2005-09-04T05:15:00.000-07:00

is shocking;
makes me angry;
fills me with joy;
confuses me;
makes me appreciate what I have;

and it continues to unravel before me.

I watch on TV,
listen to my police scanner,
hear talk shows talking,
read blogs.

It's everywhere,
yet few can put into words
every emotion I feel.

I'm overwhelmed.
I'm lucky.
I'm holding in what I want to say.

Life.
To be continued....

*UPDATE*
This was my attempt to deal with Hurricane Katrina in the simplest of ways. This wasn't meant to be a story I wrote that would "be continued" but rather a play on words. Life continues, always. Sorry if I confused y'all.

A Pretty Good Week

2005-08-31T21:00:00.000-07:00

The past week has been pretty good for me mentally, even when physically I haven't been tops. I'm not complaining though, just stating facts.

Lil' Miss got her first ever invite to a birthday/slumber party last week. This was just the boost she needed, as she was feeling pretty sad over being harrassed by the girl at school. I was so excited for her. Her aunts were too; they bought her her first sleeping bag, a really cute pink and purple girly bag. And the fact that she recognized their generosity made me so proud. She drew her friend a story book and wrapped it up in TONS of medical tape and pink Barbie paper. She talked endlessly about, but with a purpose towards, having fun at the birthday girl's house. We bought a small gift on Friday night. On Saturday morning while I was at the laundrymat, Lil' Miss awoke and wrapped up the gift, again, all on her own, this time with Christmas wrapping paper and more medical tape. She even managed to nicely put ribbon around the present. The wrapping was less than perfect, but it was absolutely beautiful to see the love she put into it.

When we arrived, after walking the 1/3 of a mile in the heat, Lil' Miss and her friend disappeared into the bedroom to explore all the neat things. (I was happily surprised that this little girl shared many of the same bedroom items and ideas, and could see they were obviously happy and carefree.) The other mom and I talked for a short bit, as I cooled down before my walk back home. Really nice family with similair beliefs and attitudes. I told her about how she had made Lil' Miss' day by inviting her; that this was her first sleepover at a non-relative's home; that she had few friends because of a handful of kids who bully the other kids into staying away from my baby, but that her daughter was someone I'd heard lots about, even though they weren't in the same class. She mentioned that she had heard from her daughter about the bullies and how her daughter would come home and tell her mom that Lil' Miss was really nice and that she liked playing with her, despite what the other kids said. That really warmed my heart. As did her mom's advice to her child: "tell them that you're smart enough to choose who to be friends with on your own." Awwwww! I wish more parent's talked with their kids about what goes on at school, but that's another post for another day.

I was feeling lucky and didn't feel like sitting home alone if I didn't have to, so I called my sister to see if she and Nancy wanted to go to Bingo that night. We haven't played in years but it would only cost $10-$20 to play. It was also just a good way to just hang out and talk. They agreed and came and picked me up about an hour after taking Lil' Miss to her sleepover. We stopped at McDonald's and grabbed a bite to eat (not my first choice, but I wasn't driving) then drove to the Bingo Hall up the street from my house. We settled in for a few hours of playing. We talked and caught up on things NOT related to Sonic...LOL! With several dozen people playing, it was weird that the first two games were won by the two couples at each end of our large table. Third game came up and I had one bingo on my card but needed two and I was looking at a different pattern to get there. They called some number on my card and I marked it. Then like a flash bulb going off, I realized I had my two bingos and hollered out, "BINGO" before I could think. Tracie and Nancy looked over, thinking I was joking, when they also saw I really had won! WOW, what a cool feeling! It was a $100 win although they took $5 for their tip, something I don't remember them doing automatically before, but I was happy; I still had $95! I told my sister it was their turn now. We laughed and we cussed over coming so close to winning. They were trying to plan our next visit, like addicted junkies. LOL! At the end of the night, I was the only cash winner amongst us. But it was a good night and I was glad I went.

On Sunday night/Monday morning I stayed up trying to catch the latest update on Hurricane Katrina on my cable-less tv (not an easy task). I watched as it headed towards New Orleans then suddenly veared to the east, taking aim at Mississippi. I listened to the news while getting Lil' Miss ready for school. I was just in shock. But I was also dead tired and figured I better get some sleep before school got out, so her, daddy and I could spend some time together. Sweet Glenn saw how tired I was and let me sleep until almost dinner time when Tracie called. She asked if I still had some of my winnings from Saturday (which of course I did since I had only bought a few groceries) and wanted to know if I felt up to going to Bingo again. Glenn said he didn't mind if I went, as long as I won again (umm...ok?), so I took a quick shower, fed the munchkin then got her bathed and dressed for bed, while making sure the computer was safely off, before leaving to meet up with Tracie and Nancy. Again we settled in as we listened to the thunder and rain pounding the sky outside. One of the workers came around and sold us a few "early bird" game cards, jokingly urging us to make sure we won. (My "quickly addicted" sisters had spent Sunday evening there playing, although they still hadn't won.) We laughed and thanked him. Then wouldn't ya know? I WON AGAIN on that very first game! Only $48 after the tip, but I wasn't unhappy! Nancy told me I wasn't allowed to come with them anymore! ha ha ha! It felt good and without thinking twice, I split my winnings with them, even though they said I didn't have to. It was another good night, and we talked and laughed, and Nancy even won a game towards the end of the night.

Even though I haven't found another job (YET) and my body is hurting something awful, I've been in pretty good spirits for close to a week and it's just really nice. Lil' Miss had a lot of fun at the slumber party and is hoping to have her friend come over here in the next few weeks to sleep over, which I think would be so good for her. Glenn is working hard, and trying to do his best to take care of us and I love him for that. And well, things just feel good right now. As I see the tragedies coming from Hurricane Katrina, I know how lucky I truly am. I wish them all well and hope the pain ends soon for the millions of people affected.

Pet Peeves Of E-Mail

2005-08-29T07:45:00.000-07:00

I came across this post over on Lily's blog and felt the message was worth repeating. Now before I give you MY list I want to say that I've been just as guilty of many of these as most of you probably have. However, at some point you should get a clue that not everything needs to be forwarded or sent to EVERY person in your address book. I love getting e-mail (see my profile) but sometimes a little common sense should be used.

OK, so here's my e-mail pet peeves, in no particular order:

1.) Not using the BCC function of addressing an e-mail.
1a.) Not using "copy and paste" function when forwarding an e-mail.
Receiving an e-mail that is mostly headers of who it's been sent to is not only annoying, but can also spell trouble for someone looking for new e-mail addresses to send SPAM to. I'd rather not have my name or e-mail address sent along to people I don't know when you send an e-mail to me or forward something I sent to you.
2.) Forwarding the same old jokes or stories over and over.
Some things are worth repeating. Most are not. Newbies to the internet tend to do this most (I know I did, much to the dismay of my more seasoned friends and family) not realizing we've seen or heard 98% of what is forwarded. Sometimes we still send this stuff out, but at least preface it with our own comments as to why this is being sent around again, which can ease the frustration.
3.) Including attachments or links without even the simplest explanation.
In this day of viruses and hi-jacked addresses, it's important to explain why/what you're sending. I generally don't click on links without knowing what to expect.
4.) Images that have not been edited down in size.
I may be one of the few who still uses dial-up, so it's really time consuming to wait for an image that turns out to be 10 times the size of my screen or worse, not worth my time.
5.) Empty subject lines.
It's a lot easier to file, sort or search for an e-mail that has been given a title/subject. This also helps me prioritize important e-mails when crucnched for time.
6.) Petitions or warnings that have not first been verified for accuracy.
Petitons that list lots of personal information asking to be forwarded somewhere, are rarely if ever useful to anyone other than for identity theft. And untrue or exaggerated warnings just add to the panic, often without grounds or facts to back them up. Try Snopes before you send that next warning.
7.) Forwarding an e-mail back to me.
If I sent it to you, I've already seen it and don't need another copy filling up my inbox.
8.) Replies that don't include some reference to the original e-mail.
This is opposite of #7. If you're going to reply, at least mention part of the original e-mail so I know what the heck you're talking about. This combined with #5 is a sure fire way to end up in the junk folder, and I might miss what you had to say.
9.) Adult content/pictures without a warning in the subject line.
I keep my computer out in the open in my house, and opening an unexpected e-mail that is inappropriate for my children's eyes will always piss me off.
10.) "Getting to know your friends" or similair "information requested" e-mails that are unoriginal, especially if we've known each other for some time.
These can be lots of fun to send and receive, but if we've known each other and already know the "basics" then how 'bout you try to make it interesting and add some questions that are not boring repeats of the same old thing.
11.) Day or Week "events" that never seem to end.
OK, so just how many "Girlfriend" days or "Friendship" weeks are there each month???

Do you have any e-mail pet peeves?

This Is MOSTLY True!

2005-08-25T01:45:00.000-07:00

Can you guess which part is the lie?

Summer Reading Material: From The Mind Of A 16 Year Old Boy

2005-08-23T19:45:00.000-07:00

We visited Taco Bell that first week my boys were here this summer. We walked out of there with a bag of taco sauce packets. Why? Because my son decided he needed some "reading material." LMAO! He cracks me up with his thinking.

Last week I cleaned out the refridgerator and found most of those packets still sitting in the veggie drawer. I stopped to read a few of the "messages" they now sport. If you've never seen them, they are similair to fortunes found in cookies, only on the outside.

And yet they are simply and oddly, bizarre and meaningless. Here are some examples:

MILD-HOT-FIRE
*Hello.
*Of all those sauce packets, why me, why now?
*Mmmmmmm.... Sauce.
*Bike tires scare me.
*When I grow up, I want to be a waterbed.
*Heads...
*If you throw this, would it be a flying saucer?
*Pick me! Picke me!
*Does a Grilled Stuft Burrito qualify you for the car pool lane?
*Tails.
*Careful! I don't do well under pressure.
*I'm in good hands now.
*My best friends hang out on the menu board.
*I'M A HOT T R U 2?
*Nice palm. I read a great deal of pleasure in your future.
*You had me at taco.
*My sauce is an honor student at Taco Middle School.
*Willing to relocate.
*Not to be used as a floatation device.
*Open quickly... I'm burning up in here.
*Where are you taking me?

Helpful Or Helpless?

2005-08-17T14:55:00.000-07:00

I've been journalling privately, as I'm still not sure this is the place to air some very dirty laundry, partly because I do worry about the reprecussions to me and my family, but also because it's very complicated and could become messy to explain. I'm waiting to see where current events take us on this ride, but I thank you all for your support and input while trying to help me. You're the best.

Now onto something new:

There is a little old lady who lives across the street from me and has been there since before we moved in 7 years ago. Before this spring, I'd never spoken to her and always wondered about her, as she would often stand around "spying" on the neighborhood. Rarely I would see a car in her drive-way, a son or grandson perhaps coming to assist her. And ohmygosh, does this woman have a lot of cats around her house.

So anyhow, this spring while Glenn's mom was visiting, we finally had our first contact with the LOL (little old lady). I came home from work one day and was told she had been watching my daughter play at the fire station and didn't feel it was safe so she called my daughter across a rather busy little street to tell Lil' Miss to go home because I was at work and she shouldn't be playing at the fire station. (This fire station has a GREAT BIG parking lot and SUPER HUGE field behind it, used for Care-Flight Helicopters to land and all of it is directly and clearly visible from my front windows.) Glenn and grandma had been watching Lil' Miss while inside, when suddenly they noticed she was GONE! They freaked out and headed out the door to look for her, just as she was coming towards our driveway, crying. They were so upset, but neither wanted to argue with LOL because while they had been watching her, it wasn't 100% and the fact that Lil' Miss walked out of sight, scared them.

Well I'm furious at this woman, a stranger, for further endangering my child and for being so bold as to tell her what to do without first coming to talk to one of the adults in charge of Lil' Miss, so I storm over to her door ready to chew her out. But I had a change of heart while waiting for her to finally answer the door, and instead asked if she had a problem with my daughter. This frail little lady was almost in tears as she explained why she did what she did. I felt grateful that someone was keeping an extra eye out for my child and thanked her for that, but also explained that by calling her across the street, out of safety's view and across a street where people frequently speed by, she had further put my baby in danger and asked her to please come knock on my door next time and let me know instead of approaching my daughter directly. She said she would and asked that I come to visit her again.

Fast forward 3 months to July. When Lil' Miss was out at the fire station again, riding her scooter and minding her own business as I stood watching her from the cool insides of my front window. A man suddenly appeared, seemingly nervous and pacing not too terribly far from my daughter. Not too close, but close enough to give me the willies. I asked my oldest son to go ride with her to make sure no one approached or hurt her. Before he could make it out the door, Lil' Miss suddenly darts across the street without really looking for traffic, as she's been taught to do and I freak, rushing out the door! Luckily there wasn't any cars, but her carelessness needed addressing immediately. As I begin to ask her why she did that, she said, "that old woman was talking to me again and trying to get me to come over to her house, so I just shook my head NO and came to tell you. I didn't talk to her mom." "Oh, ok, well that's very good of you. However, next time WATCH for cars before crossing the street. If you want to still ride, go ahead and go back over there with Chad." "OK." And off they went. With the strange man still lurking about, but more away from where they were. Then LOL comes walking across the street, in her house coat, and stops my son in the middle of the street to talk! You could see Chad slowly easing his way out of the street, with LOL moving towards him as he was listening and "yes, ma'aming" her every comment. Finally he headed home and said LOL wanted to talk to me.

Oh great. Ok, what does she want? So I walk out to the driveway, meeting her half way and she begins to tell me about "that damn n*gg*r watching" my daughter and that "it wasn't safe for her to be over there alone." Folks, I am not racist and do not put up with stupid-assed people who are. Hello, my kids are multi-racial, and I'm very protective of them being treated with disrespect in any form. I would have "gladly" stood there and listened to whatever she said for as long as it took, but when she started off with a racial slur, I lost my niceness and went off on her. (Granted, the guy did seem suspicious, but it was his actions, not his color that gave me that feeling.) "Well, you know what? You're NO BETTER than he is, when you try to call my daughter across the street, which I've asked you before not to do. Look at my front window! Do you see my blinds pulled all the way up? That's because I was standing right there, watching every move they made. She was fine playing over there, and her brother was on his way to join her. I don't appreciate you talking to my daughter without my knowledge, let alone trying to get her to come to you, and would like you not to do that again!" And as she tried to speak, I turned and walked back inside, closing the door on that conversation. I was so irritated by her blatant racism and disregard to our previous conversation about my child. I haven't talked to her since.

Until yesterday. I'm home alone in the middle of the day, watching a little tv as I clip my coupons, and I see her roaming the streets in her nightgown. She walked over to the fire station and disappeared out of sight. Then my dogs start to bark and I hear her knock on my door. Before I can get the door open she's already walking away. I just stood there, confused and wondering what she wanted so I called out to her. "Did you need something?" She stops and turns around, looking very afraid and comes back towards me, saying that she turned on her stove and can't get it to go off and now she's afraid something's going to happen and wanted someone to help her look at how to turn it off. "Sure, let me get my shoes on and I'll come look at it for you." She proceeds to tell me that she just moved into this house yesterday and is unfamiliar with how everything works and how at 84 years old and she's not always there mentally. (Really, now? You don't say?) So I walk over and wait as she fumbles to get the door unlocked. As the door opens you can hear a low buzzing coming from the kitchen. Turns out she has one of those older style stoves with a twisty timer on it, which is very touchy and easily knocked out of it's "OFF" position. I explain this to her and she gives me a big hug and thanks me for helping her. "You're welcome. I'm glad I could help," I say as I walk out the door.

I noticed that her house is very well kept with lots of nice little knick-knacks all over and very clean looking, but that there is a strong cat litter smell, even though the litter box in the kitchen is quite clean. She also seems to have forgotten that she's lived there longer than I've been in the neighborhood, and that her 87 year old sister lives right next door to her, and that neither of them hardly ever leave. I felt sorry for her and worried that she probably goes through episodes of this everyday. So while I do not like her ways, I feel like she needs someone to watch out for her, the way she's looked out for my daughter. And for now on I will make an effort to check in on her and keep my eye out for anything unusual.

Suddenly, I'm a lot less irritated by this woman and hope she'll be ok.

In other news: Lil' Miss will be home tonight from her visit with Grandma and Pa. I'm really excited to see her and give her big hugs, while listening to all that she's experienced. Hope you all are having a good week.

FUCKED UP FAMILY

2005-08-13T02:25:00.000-07:00

Something has happened in my family that I'm hesitant to discuss here, but I'm busting at the seams to talk about my feelings and fears regarding this. This has been going on for about 2 years, but legally just came to a close today. It's twisted, it's WRONG, it's scaring the crap out of me as I worry about my kids: past, present and future. I can't talk about this with anyone in the family, which makes it that much more difficult to wrap my brain around and make sense of something so terrible. Am I the enemy if I talk about this, publicly or private, or would bringing it up help me put my thoughts and fears into perspective? I dunno. What would you do?

First Sermon

2005-08-12T09:35:00.000-07:00

In honor of Dale's First Sermon this past weekend (which we're still waiting for word on how it went......*hint*) I've decided to post this little bit of humor to remind us to "live, love, laugh." Way To Go, Dale!

~~~First Sermon~~~
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:
1. Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Big Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11. When Jesus br oke the bread at the last supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me"
12. The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,.
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not:Rub-A-Dub-Dub, thanks for the grub. Yay, God.
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

The Origination of this letter is unknown

Who invented the weekend?

2005-06-17T07:45:00.000-07:00

Dear Yahoo!:
Who invented the weekend?
Overworked in Oklahoma

Dear Overworked:
Good question. Here's another: Why'd they make it only two days? Following is a short history of the weekend, pieced together from various sources, many of which refer to the book "Waiting for the Weekend" by Witold Rybczynski.
The concept of taking time off from work is ancient. The Bible asserts that even God took it easy on the seventh day (thus compelling Him to create football). Although pre-industrial European Christians viewed Sundays solely as a time to dedicate one's self to the Deity, European workers had a longstanding practice of skipping work each "Saint Monday" to recover from the previous day's drinking.

From 1793 to 1805, the French Revolutionary Calendar called for one day of leisure at the end of a 10-day week. But it wasn't until the English industrial revolution that the movement for an additional day off took hold.

The American concept of the weekend has its roots in labor union attempts to accommodate Jewish workers who took Saturday instead of Sunday as their Sabbath. The first five-day work week, according to a posted extract of Rybczynski's book, was instituted by a New England spinning mill for just this reason.

In 1926, Henry Ford began closing his factories on Saturdays, thinking this would help spur the economy. But it wasn't until 1940 that the two-day weekend officially began nationwide, thus paving the way for golf addiction, rummage sales, and a really happening song from the supergroup Loverboy. TGIF, everyone, TGIF.

"Borrowed" from Ask Yahoo! @:
Who invented the weekend?

THEEEEEEYYYYY'RE HEEEEERE!!!!!

2005-06-13T05:55:00.000-07:00

The boys made it here safe and sound, almost 22 hours ago, and I couldn't be happier! Things are going well and Lil' Miss is in heaven finally having her big brothers here.

So obviously, folks, I don't expect to be on here all that much, especially this first week. I hope y'all are doing good and enjoying the summer heat. LOL! Take care.

my baby boy

my big baby boy and baby girl

Just Because We All Need A Laugh

2005-06-05T20:10:00.000-07:00

Another Blonde joke:

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."

He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nicecup of tea, and then....." he sighed, "...let's put all theseFrosted Flakes back in the box"

Noah's Ark

2005-05-28T21:05:00.000-07:00

Red Tape

In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have six months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights".

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard .... but no ark.

"Noah", He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah. "But things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision. Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I argued that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls. But no go!

When I started gathering the animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. As well, they argued the accommodation was too restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.

Also, the trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark building experience.

To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least ten years for me to finish this Ark."

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean, You're not going to destroy the world?".

"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."

Working Dogs

2005-05-28T21:00:00.000-07:00

Four Men and Their Dogs

Four men, an Engineer, an Accountant, a Chemist and a Government Worker were bragging about how smart their dogs were. To show off, the Engineer called to his dog and said, "T-Square, do your stuff."

T- square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart. But the Accountant said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Slide Rule, do your stuff."

Slide Rule went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good. But the Chemist said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Measure, do your stuff."

Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was good. Then the three men turned to the Government Worker and said, "What can your dog do?"

The Government Worker called to his dog and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff."

Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, dumped on the paper, molested the other three dogs, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Worker's Compensation and went home on sick leave.

Raw

2005-05-26T21:10:00.000-07:00

It's said that what we don't understand, we fear. This is something I find to be true almost everyday, in one way or another, and surprisingly not just with me. But all I can account for here is ME so that is what I'm gonna talk about. ME.

I have serious self-esteem issues; always have, probably always will. I take way too much personally, even when the rational side of me says it isn't likely. I get upset, angry and emotional over the smallest of gestures or remarks, in both my personal and work environments. This has shown more times than I care to admit here in blogland. It has affected every friendship, every relationship and nearly every job I've ever had. I don't argue very well under pressure, (but can write a kick-ass debate on any issue if given the time to construct it) and I dislike confrontation, contrary to my outwardly "in your face" attitude. I'm a wuss with a big bark.

This week, I let my guard down, and in doing so, allowed myself to feel pain I didn't want to feel. EVER AGAIN. The hurt was so intense, it immobilized me for the better part of two days, both physically and emotionally. I managed to partially bounce back without the use of drugs or alcohol, even though it crossed my mind to numb the pain. I feared I would fall back into a deep depression, and worried about how I would manage to survive this blow to my aching heart.

Most of you know little of my boys or how we came to be so estranged. It's a long painful story, one that took a turn for the worst in 2001 with false accusations, followed the next year by an emergency court order against me, that I was helpless to fight. It was an evil thing to do and was done so with malice against me to get what my ex-husband and his wife wanted: Me out of their lives, and more importantly Me out of the lives of my boys. What they did, was crush my life. I was already on shaky ground emotionally, and that blow nearly ended my life. In some ways, it ended a part of my life that I will never get back.

I was fighting my way back up to being the best employee I could be at work....a nice government job with good pay and good benefits. Things were finally going well after years of trouble and bad decisions. I was finally becoming the parent I wanted to be and stopped being the doormat for people who would never treat me as well as I treated them. I was taking all my medications and improving my health, as well as seeing two therapists and a wonderful primary care doctor, all of whom worked together in my well-being. I was on top of the world for a few wonderful months. After my stay in a mental hospital for suicidal thoughts, I was getting the help I needed and more importantly, I was helping myself in ways I never thought I could. I felt I was doing the right things and making good decisions, consistently.

Then came the news that I would not be allowed to visit or even talk to my boys, but no one would/could tell me why. I was confused and shocked and the more I dug into the matter, the worse information I was given. I was angry at the world and decided if I was going to be labeled a bad person without doing the crime, I might as well stop being the goody two shoes and let my hair down. This only furthered my downward spiral and in the end, cost me my health, which cost me my job and almost every friend I had. I was alone and broke. I remember being unable to return to work, and not having enough money to feed Lil' Miss, so we ate LOTS of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and became very reclusive, embarrassed and even more depressed.

And the whole time I was suffering in silence, alone and withdrawn, I was unable to talk to the two guys who I know would have made me feel better.....my boys. Well actually we were at that time talking on the phone each weekend, but with the knowledge that every word was being recorded, we were all cautious as to what we said. They were afraid to say anything to me, for fear of repercussions, since they didn't understand really what had been alleged to take them away from me. I was warned not to say anything negative and told I couldn't discuss the case with them (unless they brought it up first and then only to answer their questions which now of course they were afraid to do), even though that was exactly what needed to be done to clear up the mess. My friends all deserted me. Every single one of them. Even my family had distanced themselves from me.

But somehow, thru all the hurt and anger I managed to pull myself together enough to get back to some semblance of living. I have in many ways, calloused over my true feelings, in an effort to protect myself from greater pain. I play nice, but trust no one, especially when it comes to my boys.

Why I let myself get so excited when I heard they were going to come here this week, is not totally understood by me, although I have a few ideas. I completely let myself be swept up in the idea that I would finally be able to show them I was ok, and I WAS OK. But the phone call I received saying that they would NOT be here, just crippled me. I didn't understand why or how this could happen, and suddenly the fear from years of feeling inadequate in everyone's eyes hit me like a ton of bricks. Had they actually done this to once again hurt me, as others would have me believe? God, I didn't think so, but it felt like a re-run of the past. My fears ate away at me and I just stopped functioning. I've been a zombie for two days and the body pains became so intense I wanted to die today to make it stop and go away.

Then this afternoon, I received another phone call. Once again, it was Wanda. Play nice, see what she wants and don't let her see how hurt you are feeling, I thought to myself. She had called to apologize. She thought about how it must have seemed to me and knew it must be killing me, and she kept saying, that was just wrong. Suzette, that was just wrong, she said over and over. Then she said something that I've waited so very long to hear. Would you like to have the boys this summer? Without hesitation, I said YES, but inside I felt this was another game to hurt me. We talked it over and she said she felt it was time the boys and I had time together, alone. She tried to explain that their only concern ever was for the boys' safety (ie: don't leave them alone) which I totally understood. I still feel if that was all they were concerned with, there was better ways to assure it, rather than filing false allegations against me, but for the time being, I'm going to let that be water under the bridge. My boys will one day know the truth of the allegations against me, and one day they will be able to decide if it was warranted, but not now. Not unless they bring it up.

I'm praying...yes, people, I'm praying, that this isn't going to be another let down in the end, so I am keeping my guard up this time. But with any luck, the boys will be here VERY VERY SOON! And the thought of it makes me cry tears of joy.

Heartache Update

2005-05-24T09:45:00.000-07:00

I received a phone call about an hour ago from my boys' stepmom. I was at Lil' Miss' school delivering lunch to her so I didn't to get to actually talk to their stepmom. So I listened to the voicemail, hoping they would be here tonight, rather than tomorrow night, which was a definate possibility. I was not prepared to hear this:

"Hi, Suzette. It's Wanda. I was just calling to let you know that we won't be coming there this week, because we just found out that it's only a preliminary hearing and not the trial and we won't even be able to get in for that......"

After that I stopped hearing what she had said and was just numb. I don't know what to say or what to do. It's not like this was malicious or intentional, but it hurts like hell, just the same.

Lil' Miss.......

How am I going to explain this to her when I don't even know how to cope with the pain? I've got 3 1/2 hours before she comes home, expecting her brothers to soon arrive, and instead I'll have to tell her that they're not coming.

I think I'm going to go to bed and cry myself to sleep.

My Achy Breaky Heart

2005-05-22T20:30:00.000-07:00

As I sit here trying to wind down from a very busy afternoon, I'm resisting the urge to beat the living snot out of one very cute little kitty who is currently tearing thru my bathroom and heading for my bedroom. Little turkey turd. Seriously, this guy is full of nothing but energy and the desire to conquer my house and belongings. I could devote an entire blog to what he does each day. Needless to say, Cameron keeps me on my toes. But in spite of his evil little ways, I love the booger and will try to stay positive that this is just an overactive kitten phase he's going thru.

But onto MUCH BIGGER NEWS:

I'm going to get to see my boys this week!!!

I'm so flipping excited, I don't know how I'm ever gonna fall asleep tonight. I'm thrilled! I'm nervous. I'm happy! I'm worried. And my arms ache to hold and hug them tight. I want everything to be perfect, but can only do so much to prepare for their arrival.

This will be the first time in almost 4 years that my sons have been to my house and only the second time I've seen them in that 3 years 7 months. And while I'm not sure if they will be allowed to stay overnight while in town, I am expecting to spend each day with them. ALONE and unsupervised! My heart is racing and I want to cry. But I can't; I've got too much to do yet.

Do they really trust me to be alone with them, or is this just more convienent for them while they are busy with "other" matters? Will I screw up and say or do something to set us back farther, or will they finally see that I'm not the monster they've made me out to be? I dunno, but right now, I'm just keeping my head up and my thoughts positive that this will be a great week!

I expect to have LOTS of pictures to share by next weekend. Wish me luck!

A Gift

2005-05-17T20:30:00.000-07:00

Next week Lil' Miss will end her second year of formal schooling and I'm amazed by the leaps and bounds with which she has grown this year.

I spent 30 minutes on the phone with her teacher on Friday afternoon, and felt great sadness that this wonderful woman will not be her teacher FOREVER! She took the time this year to not only get to know my little girl, but love her deeply as well. It shows in her attention to the little things. She sees thru the wild child and recognizes her abilities, encouraging Lil' Miss to expand her thinking even further. And the words she spoke to me last week, were the sweetest and warmest I've ever had anyone not related to Lil' Miss express.

To be honest, I've often wondered if anyone else saw her for the special gift she is, and believed in her as much as I do. Being her mom makes me biased, obviously. But this woman sees Lil' Miss as more than her student and that really makes me proud. She told me she would be surprised if Lil' Miss wasn't tested AND recognized as a gifted student next year. She said her thinking is so far out of the box at times, that it leaves the others students baffled, and her teachers amazed.

She said she is reading at a level two years beyond her current grade. A 3.7 to be exact. (Third year, seventh month) This is so absolutely incredible, considering that when she was tested just 12 months ago, she was in the 48 percentile of students her grade and age. Barely able to read. And only 8 short months ago, she was reading at a 1.4 level!!!

I see changes in her, too, well beyond any acedemics test. Socially, emotionally, and often spiritually. Yes, I'm biased. But I know I'm not alone.

Fast Paced Soap Opera

2005-04-25T21:45:00.000-07:00

My life is a soap opera.....and always has been for as long as I can remember. Sure, the producers deal with writer's block from time to time and thus recycle stories with new characters, but no matter how you look at it, it's still the same old soap with the usual storylines. I try to get through these hectic episodes by longing for the boring dry spells that seem to be a main staple of my life.

Lately though, this fast paced soap opera seems to have no end, and I really don't even know how it all started, but I'm ready for the ride to slow down. Quick, somebody hit the pause button!

If I had the time..... or hell, even the enrgy, I'd be posting more often to tell you all about each day's show, but I just haven't had either. Honestly.

But here's a quick recap of the past few days:

Lil' Miss turned 7 years young over the weekend.

What was supposed to be one big day, turned into several smaller days of celebrating. She had fun and got lots of neat things, plus for the first time in her short life, she had almost all the important people in her life there to share her special day. I had a brain fart though and forgot to take pictures! DUH!

Today's episode included another hectic turn in the saga my brother-in-law's fucked up life. It wasn't any less dramatic when your's truly, opened her big-assed mouth (once again) and ended up causing Grandma much heartache and worry. Tomorrow's show could be life altering as the posse plans a showdown in honesty.

In the midst of all the drama, we had a severe thunderstorm come through, with reported tornado touchdowns around us, and LOTS of hail!

Luckily, our neighborhood escaped the golfball sized chunks of ice, but not the marble sized ones that beat the hell out of our cars, windows and rooftops. And because this IS a soap opera, it was ONLY fitting that one of us was stuck at the doctor's office, two of us were at the grocery store, and the other six of us were hundled in the little box we call the bathroom tub while the tornado sirens were wailing. All animals were left to their own defenses this time.

In coming episodes, we'll find out who's moving where and when, and who is no longer employed. Until then, enjoy the bon-bons and stock up on the tissues.

Post Script Note:
Lil' Miss lost tooth number three at school today.

This was intentional on her part as she waited to let the nurse pull her top front tooth, so she could claim one of the cute little treasure boxes to put said tooth in. Tomorrow, she'll awaken to a crisp one dollar bill under her pillow.

Long Over Due Break

2005-04-03T21:45:00.000-07:00

Ever since the day Tracie and Nancy left for Hawaii 3 weeks ago, I've felt like the Energizer Bunny, because I never seem to get to stop going and going and going.

UNTIL TODAY!

Today, I slept in but awoke with a plan to keep going. But this time, going meant relaxing. Doing something different. Getting away from any semblence of work, either house or job related.

I left the dishes in the sink. The yard un-mowed and the dog poop for another day. Laundry would have to wait, as would bed-making, vacuuming, cooking and yes, even the computer was told to wait.

We loaded ourselves into the car. Filled the gas tank without worrying about it's cost. Grabbed a few cold drinks, the map and camera, then headed on down the road to no-where-in-particular.

Instead of taking a semi-familair highway, I continued south until we came upon a lazy looking country road. Following that road led us to see some really nice little Texas towns and all the openness you could hope to find in between those towns.

I wanted Blue Bonnet pictures, but what I got was a fantastic afternoon enjoying this state I have adopted. I got peace and quiet, along with some simple conversation with my mother-in-law, while Lil' Miss napped in the back seat.

With no set destination, we drove along one new road after another. Never really knowing where each would lead us. We saw a sign for a "Blue Bonnet Park" but never found it. Instead we ended up at a Nature Reserve along side a lake, where everything was beautiful. Butterflies were in no short supply, as they flitted from wild flower to wild flower. The Blue Bonnets and Indian Paintbrushes were vibrant and plentiful. The wind was gentle and the sunshine felt wonderful.

Although we decided to head towards home, the fun didn't stop. There were more sights to see and enjoy. We finally stopped at Sonic for dinner and took our time eating, later indulging in dessert as well.

Coming home was nice and I think I may even be ready for the LONG week ahead of me now.

A Long Week With Some Pictures

2005-04-03T21:15:00.000-07:00

What was a peaceful yet busy Easter, turned crazy when just as we were relaxing for the night, we receive a phone call from Glenn's brother saying he was coming over to visit and he was bringing the babies and his ex-girlfriend (babies' mama). He arrived around the same time Lil' Miss was needing to be in bed. My vacuum had just died and my house was rather messy. Oh yeah, and Lil' Miss's coach called to say we had our first real game the following night, which just added to the chaos. Glenn was already in bed with a migraine and I needed to go to bed, as I had an early start the next day, with school resuming and then going into work earlier than usual.

We worked all day and never really got to visit. Monday afternoon, Glenn, Tracie, James and Matt were going to WWE Raw, so they were going to miss her first game.

Grandma went to her sister's house to remember their late mom's birthday. And Josh was taking Leann home, since she had to work the next morning but would return later that night with the kids so they could stay the week with us.

Tuesday was filled with chores that needed catching up on and errands that needed running. The day ended with a LONG overdue talk between Glenn and I, after a major blow up and breakdown in front of everyone. Nice.

Wednesday was another long work day, but it was also Grandma's birthday, so we took her out to eat then over to her sister's house where we spent several hours visiting and eating birthday CAKES.

Glenn enjoyed catching up with his cousins but stopped long enough to pose with mom.

After getting home really late, and putting the kids all to bed, more cleaning and chores were in order, if we were going to be ready for the next day.

Thursday was an extremely long day, as Glenn and I both had to work much later than scheduled. This made running home to get Lil' Miss ready for her second game a bit crazy.

Squeezing in a few extra errands on Thursday proved stressful, as did another visit from Glenn's brother and ex-GF who on top of everything else asked to borrow gas money so they could drive back home THAT night so they would be able to pick up paychecks early Friday morning. This was after asking me to buy diapers because they forgot to bring some extras. Grrrr......"let it go" I tried to tell myself.

Friday, yet another busy crazy day at work followed by a short visit with the brother. Sick kids prevented us from getting grandkid pics taken, and having cranky bratty kids is not what I needed when my week-long headache kicked it up a notch. Tension was thick and pleasantries tough.

Saturday found me up and doing odd cleaning jobs after barely 3 hours sleep. New problems kept arising and I barely finished what I had started before having to leave for a meeting at work. (Which actually was the best meeting ever.) More chaos followed and I really needed a break. Playing with Tracie's camera, I managed to catch Lil' Miss in a cheery silly mood.

But all in all, it was worth it to come to today and have such a refreshing peaceful day. This must be what "normal" people who work 6 days a week must go through, and why they enjoy simple Sundays.

Lil' Miss was gorgeous as ever and really seemed to enjoy the long car ride almost as much as she liked playing with the flowers and running wild at the Nature Reserve.

With only one more day off to do some stuff around the house, I've got a feeling it's gonna be another long week, but not nearly as busy or hectic.

Presents

2005-03-15T20:35:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is Glenn's birthday. I wanted to make his birthday one to remember, unlike mine was this year. But the past few days I've been less than impressed with him and just couldn't bring myself to get him ANYTHING else. Am I bitter? Yeah, somewhat. Do I feel I've already done more for him than I received? Definitely. But I'll still be going out of my way to make his birthday the happiest I can.

He's had nearly EVERY Wednesday off since moving to his store 4 1/2 months ago, so he didn't think to request his birthday off. And wouldn't you know it.....he has to work! Ok, well this week is kinda unusual, in that Tracie and Nancy are in Hawaii, so we are two managers short at our store. And we knew Glenn would likely be covering some shifts but NOT on his birthday. I'll be working until 5:00 pm, and he comes in at 5:00 pm to close the store for the next two nights. Bummer. We can't even go out to dinner or anything.

But not all is lost. As it turns out, one of our best cooks just started a second job and had to switch to nights. (We miss him during the day.) This cook will also be celebrating his birthday on Wednesday, and also works 5:00 pm to close. So I ordered two cakes, which I will pick up after getting off work, and then a few of us will be meeting back up at my store to sing and celebrate. And with any luck, it won't be nearly as busy as it was on my birthday.

I told Glenn ahead of time that he wouldn't be getting any presents from me on his birthday. But not because I'm being a bitch. Just the opposite. Two weeks ago, I purchased 4 tickets to WWE Raw, which will be in Fort Worth on March 28th. He really wanted to go, so I got the tickets for him. Tracie wants to go too, as does James, so I got one extra ticket for Glenn to invite someone since I'm not really all that into going. James may not be able to go now because of driver's education classes, so that may leave two extra tickets. Anyhow, he's going and that is his present. (Those tickets are not cheap and I'm sure he'll end up buying some souvenirs.)

However,Glenn got an early, unexpected birthday present on Saturday. One that will likely rank right up there with his trip to WWE, if not higher in some ways.

Saturday started off chaotic. I had to borrow Tracie's car because I found out late Friday that Lil' Miss had practice early Saturday morning. I was tired, cranky and not wanting to be running around town. We were running late and ended up skipping breakfast so we wouldn't be late for practice. Well, we ended up getting lost and driving around for 45 minutes, never finding the school because, as I later found out, the directions and school description were both flawed. Ugh! Finally, I said screw it and asked her if she wanted to get something to eat.

This was like pulling teeth with her. She wanted pancakes, and I was in no mood for cooking so I suggested IHOP. We drove over there and damned if that place wasn't so packed, it made Sunday mornings look slow. So then we decided to grab some Sonic, but I was NOT going to our local Sonic, as it sucks ass, big-time. We drove to another nearby Sonic and were surprised to find it all decked out in splendor worthy of Sonic big wigs coming in from the corporate office. It was unbelievably nice. The girls were ALL on skates and in poodle skirts. They had balloons, banners and even a bounce house for the kids. I only wished I had brought my camera. It seems a local radio station (one of the few I don't like) was coming to broadcast later that day.

So we ate and were going to head home, when I heard my favorite radio station was down the road broadcasting from the new Home Depot. They were giving away tickets to various shows and concerts along with $1,500 in gift certificates. We drove over there, in hopes of taking home some of that money! Instead, my name was drawn....WOO HOO!....for George Carlin tickets!!! I was so excited, until I found out that the show was that night and I had to work 5:00 pm to close. I figured Glenn would easily be able to find someone to go with him and we could hire a babysitter.

I was so eager to tell Glenn, that I called him several times on the cell phone, but I kept getting the voice mail. Finally he called me back, agitated and worried that something was wrong. (DUH....I'm so stupid, to not realize me calling over and over was gonna worry him.) He didn't have a chance to get excited, as he was VERY BUSY and quickly hung up on me. I was deflated and felt like shit for upsetting him. He called me back a few minutes later to tell me he was coming home. My phone calls had rattled him so badly that he lost his momentum at work and he was screwing up, and ended up snapping at everyone, including his manager, who ended up just sending him home. DAMN IT! I didn't mean to get him in trouble, but it wasn't totally my fault either because he'd forgot to turn off the cell phone ringer while working. (A big NO-NO!)

So he gets home and starts calling around to everyone he thinks might want to join him. No one can make it, or they aren't available. He's starting to get bummed that he won't be able to go afterall. I suggest he either drive out there and try selling the tickets (as was suggested by the radio station to me....those tickets costs MORE then the WWE tickets) or just take Lil' Miss with him. He looks at me like I've lost my mind to suggest he take our 6 year old daughter to see one of the raunchiest comedians ever. I explain my reasoning: the show isn't until 9:30 pm, and she's been awake ALL day and will likely fall asleep shortly after the show starts. He agrees and says he'll take her in if he can't sell the tickets first or find other arrangements. By this time, I have to get ready to go to work and have no idea what will end up happening.

Glenn calls me at work at 9:20 pm to tell me they made it there, couldn't sell the tickets and that Lil' Miss was already getting drowsy. A-ha, see, I'm not totally stupid. I know my child! LOL! I wish him well and hope he has a great time. I don't get home until nearly 2:00 am and they are both in bed sound asleep. I see a bag on the couch with a receipt for a George Carlin CD, but the bag is empty. I find the CD on my desk.

WAIT! Is that a signature I see on the CD cover? Sure seems like it. So I open it up to check to see if it was real or a part of the photocopied cover. That's when I see the two ticket stubs, each bearing the same signature! SWEEEEET! I listen to most of the CD, before crawling into bed and falling fast asleep after a LONG LONG LONG day.

Sunday I ask Glenn for details and this is what he said: The show was really good, considering George Carlin admitted that he had just gotten out of rehab and stumbled a bit over some of the material (very un-Carlin like). He said he was laughing so hard, he thought he was going to wake up Lil' Miss, who passed out during the warm-up act. He hadn't realized all the seats around him were also listeners who had won tickets. Which explained the idiot couple, who upon seeing our daughter and the gift-shop bag, asked Glenn if he saw any Thomas the Tank Engine gifts, because they weren't able to find any. They were shocked at the racy material and ended up leaving part way thru the show. (I couldn't stop laughing at their stupidity. Yes, George Carlin did once play Mr. Conductor on Shining Time Station, but did they really think he was gonna be putting on a kiddie show at 9:30 pm???!!!)

When the show ended, Glenn got turned around as to which exit to head to, to get to the parking garage, and ended up walking in a big "S" around the Bass Performance Hall. As he was about to leave, he looks over and lo and behold THERE is George Carlin, also leaving. He stares and catches George's eye.

George walks over to Glenn who is holding a very sleepy Lil' Miss, shaking his head and says to Glenn, "Did you see the show?"

"Yes," Glenn answers, not shy or nervous.

"Please tell me you didn't bring her to see MY show!" George asks.

Again, Glenn answers, "Yes."

George laughs and says "I may have to include that in a future show about stupid things people do; not that I'm saying you're stupid."

Glenn laughs and says, "That's ok."

George, seeing the gift bag says, "So what did you buy"

"One of your CD's," Glenn replies.

"Can I autograph it for you?" George offers.

"Really? That would be great. Can you sign my tickets, too?"

"Sure." George signs all three, then notices that they've been spotted and a crowd is heading towards them.

"Well, gotta run; here comes the flood. Thanks for coming."

"THANK YOU!!!"

I have NO IDEA HOW on Earth Glenn was able to fall asleep after all that.

Sometimes, It's Just Not Enough

2005-02-27T21:45:00.000-08:00

It seems no matter what I have or what I receive, it's not enough. I feel so totally ungrateful, bitchy, whiny and it's no wonder I feel like crap. My heart aches and my mind is having a hard time coping with the conflicting emotions inside. It doesn't help that my hormones are fucking with me or that I already suffer from depression.

But right now, I'm throwing a pity party that part of me feels justified for having, while the other part of me says, GROW THE FUCK UP!

Friday was my birthday. #36 to be exact. And once again, I feel let down, alone and unloved. The day started decently enough. Mother Nature gave me my period a week early, which I'm grateful to have, but unhappy with her timing. I was tired and not looking forward to a 6 hour shift, when I'd rather have gone home with Glenn after lunch. But I got up early and got ready shortly after getting Lil' Miss off to school. Tracie called and asked me to stop by her house and pick up her medicine that she forgot to bring with her when she took Nancy to the airport. No problem, but it cut into the time I had set aside for stopping to get breakfast. Oh well, I'd eat at work. Again.

I was a bit miffed that my boys AND my dad had not called early in the morning to wish me "Happy Birthday", but held out hope for a phone call later that evening instead. Char and Glenn had both failed to say anything or even give me a card, yet I knew he'd bought me something earlier in the week and hid it in the closet. The ONLY birthday wishes I'd received were from stupid websites that I frequent. Glenn finally called while I was in the shower and left me a message wishing me a "Happy Birthday". Ok, see...right there....I should've been happy to get that message, but NO. I was irritated with that being the best he had done. I blew it off and tried to think that tonight would be better.

At 1:00 pm, Glenn showed up at my store and just sat out in the car. I stopped to talk to him and ask why he was off so early. Then I suggested he go home and take advantage of the free time to rest or at least vacuum. LOL! He said he wanted to wait for me, so I reminded him that I was working until 5:00 pm. That's ok, he said. I knew he was up to something but didn't know what. So I asked Tracie if I could go have a cigarette with him real quick and she just laughed, saying, "I know you didn't just ask me that during lunch." "Yeah, I did, since it's slow and Glenn is here." OH! Glenn's here? I didn't hear you say that." (Duh, if she'd listen to ALL I said and not just the beginning, we'd get along a lot better more often.) So she let me go out back and warned me to keep an eye out for customers, so I could come back in and help if needed. No problem.

I told Glenn my day was going okay, except for Kelly, who kept bugging me with stupid remarks like "Smile, Sue, it'll be ok." That was getting old FAST, as I really was feeling fine. Just a little monthly cramps, but I was ok. I was really just trying to concentrate on what needed to be done. 1/2 a cigarette later, I felt I needed to go help, so I said goodbye and again told him to go home. He didn't. I walk back inside and all of a sudden, everyone is saying "It's your birthday? Well Happy Birthday." Tracie says, "I didn't forget about your birthday. Just your card, which I should have told you to grab this morning when you went by there." Again, here.... I felt like crap, not happy that everyone was saying Happy Birthday. She HAD forgotten my birthday. I'd been there for over 2 hours and she just now decided to say something. Sheesh. And I was insulted by her remark that maybe I could've stopped to pick up my own fricking card that she forgot! Why not just say you forgot it and you'd bring it to me later. Or say nothing about it. I just felt crappy about it all.

Then we started to get busy and I was in and out, not really paying any attention to everyone else. Suddenly, I see Glenn walking up with a birthday cake with lit candles AT THE SAME TIME someone is trying to tell me about an unhappy customer of mine and, well priorities in place I turn to find out what the problem is with the customer. Tracie is telling Glenn to take it back; Not yet. That was the last I saw of Glenn because he left during all the confusion without saying another word. Suddenly, it was clear why he had been there, but now I had a bigger problem and was unable to be happy about anything. I had accidentally given the wrong credit cards to two women earlier, even though I had run them correctly and received the correct signatures, I'd somehow fucked up and obviously the one lady who NOW realized it, was PISSED. Guilt and shame took over my emotions and I couldn't apologize enough. There was little to say or do, until the second lady also realized it and contacted us. Now Glenn was gone, the candles were out and I felt like shit. Tracie half-assed sang me "Happy Birthday" but no one else joined in.

It was about 2 hours later, that I finally went back to even look at the cake. It was really pretty and sat there, alone on top of some stuff, uncut, unenjoyed and un-refrigerated. Sigh. So I cut a piece for me, and another for one of the cooks. No one else seemed to care or want any. The sadness I felt was making it hard to swallow or even taste the cake. How pathetic to be standing there alone eating cake. Here.... I should be happy that Glenn was thinking of me enough to go thru the trouble of trying to surprise me. Actually, I was happy and thankful, but still felt sad. Maybe it was the hormones fucking with me.

Leslie walked in around 4:00 pm, sat her stuff down and turned to me and said, "Happy Birthday, Sue!!!" I smiled and suddenly felt as though someone cared. She cared enough to remember as soon as she came in and not wait or say it as a passing thought. I told her about the cake and she immediately wanted to see it and have some. Her and Cheryl both asked me if I had big plans for the night, and suddenly I felt that emptiness hit the pit of my stomach again. "No. No one ever celebrates my birthday or takes me out." They seemed surprised and I felt bad because I didn't want to be all mopey and depressing. We just dropped the subject and I pretended like it wasn't a big deal, even though it was and is, and hurts a lot.

Certain things just bothered me after that, and I became very withdrawn. I was waiting to go home, although I wasn't really sure I even wanted to go there. I just wanted to disappear. Afterall, I already felt invisible. I was getting mad when I tried counting down. Confusion does that to me, and it seems my money had become a mess and unorganized and I had lost money in the last 15 minutes, and I was beginning to cry. Again. Tracie could see me getting frustrated and kept trying to make me laugh, but I tried to ignore her, for fear of breaking down right there in front of everyone. Feeling mad, confused and then crying too, was a sure fire way to see me melt. Finally the money worked itself out and I went to the back to get my stuff together to go. Tracie came back to see my cake and asked me if I was okay. "No" I told her and just opened up the flood gates, letting everything out that was bothering me. She kept saying it was ok, but I didn't feel it was ok. "Be happy, and don't cry; it's your birthday." That didn't seem to cheer me up, but letting it out did. I wiped the tears away and took a deep breathe.

I hung around a little longer to talk with her and Leslie, and since she was so tired, she asked me to take the deposit to the bank. "Sure, anything you need," but I really didn't want to go. I didn't get home until after 7:00 pm, but when I walked in the door Lil' Miss yelled "Happy Birthday" and ran up to give me a hug and kiss. For a few moments there, all my troubles seemed to melt away. I could see she was dressed to go out, so I knew they had plans to take me out to dinner. I just wanted to go to bed. I went to my room to get changed and saw a brown package sitting on the bed. I opened it to find a small hand held portable tv and batteries. Cute. Not necessarily what I wanted, but it was cute. Here..... I should have been thrilled to get something, ANYTHING, but I was kinda irritated that it wasn't something I had asked for. And it seemed to be only battery operated, which is a pain in the ass. I tried to hide my disappointment and just got dressed to go, even though I wasn't particularly hungry or in the mood to go out. My dad still hadn't called and neither had my boys, and not a single birthday card was around.

As I was fixing my hair, I heard Glenn talking on the phone. Apparently Tracie had called Glenn earlier when she got home (about 30-45 minutes before me) to ask if he had plans to take me out. He said yes, but wasn't sure where and was gonna let me pick. She suggested that her and James were gonna go out to eat at the Chinese restaurant by them, if we wanted to join. He said ok and had been waiting for me to get home. Here...... this bothered me. If you're gonna let me pick, why not ASK me ahead of time if I even wanted to go out. Give me a chance to decide. And Tracie could have just waited to see where I wanted to go if she wanted to "celebrate" my birthday, instead of choosing where they wanted to go and inviting us to join. I really have not wanted Chinese food lately and the thought of spending my birthday in a new stuffy restaurant was not my idea of fun.

Dinner was ok, I guess. The food was good. I was appalled at Glenn for ordering the most expensive meal (steak and seafood) and for basically eating like a caveman in a nice place. Tracie wanted to just talk about work, while Glenn and James talked about video games and Char bugged me to let her run thru the restaurant to see the fish aquariums. Finally when it was time to go, WAY PAST TIME TO GO, Glenn gave Tracie some money for the food and left $3 for a tip. I was horrified, as the server was great and took good care of us. I opened my wallet and left more money and they looked at me like I was crazy. "Sue, what are you doing? That's like leaving him a 20% tip." I was embarrassed and put on the spot. "Yeah, I know. That's what you're supposed to tip them when the service is good." They just rolled their eyes, which made me feel like shit.

James wanted us to come over. Actually he wanted Glenn to come over so he could show him his new video game which showed a lot of boobs and partial nudity. It was already 9:30 pm and Glenn had to get up at 3:30 am, so I said "not tonight." Glenn then said, "I'll be ok" so I shrugged my shoulders and got in the car to go. As we started to drive away, Char asked where we were going next. I told her to Tracie's house, so Dad and everyone "could ignore me more on my birthday by playing video games." "It'll only be a few minutes then we can all do something," Glenn said. FAMOUS LAST WORDS. Almost 45 minutes after getting there, Char was getting mad because the guys wouldn't let her come in the room to see the video game and so she was bugging me. She wanted to play pool or air hockey, but Tracie didn't feel like letting her out in the garage or messing with it all. I was drained and just wanted to go home to bed. Finally, the guys came out of the room and took Char to the garage to play. Never asking if I might want to play with them, since it was, afterall, MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY! I was beyond annoyed and finally told them it was time to go home.

We get home around 11:30 pm, and the only person who called was my older sister, Kim, who left a message around 8:00 pm. Unusual because she doesn't call that early. I expected her to call around midnight. Which she did when she called a second time. Still nothing from my boys or my dad. DAMNIT! Glenn gets undressed and just goes to bed without saying anything to me. Real nice. "What? You're just gonna go to bed without saying goodnight or anything to me?" I say. "I'm tired" is the only reply I get. "NICE" is all I manage to say before I walk out. I get Lil' Miss ready for bed and sit down to relax. Finally I come back in the room and he's already asleep, so I get online. Well, not everyone has forgotten my birthday. My grandpa, who will be 85 in a few days, emailed me and that made me laugh because he wished me a "Happy 37 Birthday" just like that. It was sweet. My cousin sent me an e-card, the first I've ever gotten from her, which was really cool. And of course Jan sent me an e-card, too, which was icing on the cake since she had already sent me a digital camera! Too cool!

I was feeling much like I do now. Ungrateful for what I have or have been given and pretty much unloved and unthought of. And ANGRY for feeling this way.

My weekend has come and gone, and these feelings linger. The weekend didn't get any better and I feel like shit. My boys never called, which hurts me deep, because I'm sure either Damon is being an asshole, or they actually forgot. My dad finally called at 8:30 pm tonight, while I was giving Lil' Miss a bath, but he didn't bother to leave a message. I haven't received a card or anything else from anyone else and I'm feeling totally overwhelmed at the mess in my house and the lack of help from anyone. I have a list a mile long of big projects I want to get started on, but can't justify doing any of it when I can't even see my own fucking floor. I've had only one real day off this week...today... and I barely got anything accomplished. When am I going to get some rest? Or some help? And when is this "funk" going to pass? Glenn never even thanked me for going out of my way to buy him tickets to WWE, with money that could've been better spent on something else. He never bothered to vacuum, do dishes, or fold any laundry. Taking the trash out has been a constant battle. And right now I'm feeling really put off by everyone else, and kinda wish I could disappear for awhile. Fuck everyone who I've ever helped out or cared about or been there for. You know who you are and you can kiss my ass, right about now.

Lil' Miss is the only good thing in my life right now that is keeping me from just walking away.

Just Ducky

2005-02-22T00:45:00.000-08:00

I never owned a rubber ducky.... at least not one that I can remember.

Yeah, I thought they were cute, but most of my early rubber duck memories came by way of Sesame Street and Ernie singing in the tub. ("Rubber Duckie, You're The one." Sesame Street and I were both born in the same year.)

Then there was the 70's movie "Convoy" where the main character was "Rubber Duck." ("PigPen, this here's the Rubber Duck. Looks like we got ourselves a CONVOY!")

In the 80's we had "Pretty In Pink" with Jon Cryer playing "Duckie." (I secretly had a big crush on him after high school. shhhhh.)

But last week I found a rubber ducky bath rug and fell in love with it so Glenn let me get it.

Since then I have added a new shower curtain,

hooks

and bath towels.

Now I'm looking for the perfect rubber ducky trash can and sink accesories. And anything else that I think is cute.

Maybe I just needed the change away from flowers.

Maybe it's the kid in me trying to emerge.

Maybe I'm just a dork. But I suddenly have this obsession with rubber ducks!

Whatever the case may be, I want this one next.

"Are My Grey Hairs Showing Enough For You Now?"

2005-02-17T21:15:00.000-08:00

The first day of Christmas Break (a.k.a. Winter Break) Lil' Miss attended a birthday party for a classmate at one of the MANY local churches' gymnasium. When I showed back up to get her, I found her trying to roller-skate thru the gym on the new Disney Princess skate/shoes, her friend had received. She LOVED those skates and they suddenly became her #1 wish for Santa to bring. Unfortunately, Santa had already bought her the scooter she wanted, so mom turned to Aunt Tracie who had not yet bought her a gift. Done deal and Lil' Miss opened her FAVORITE present a couple days after Christmas. She wore those skates every waking moment until school resumed. She stumbled and wobbled all over when she tried them outside.

Finally, it occurred to her, that she needed to try them out at a REAL rollerskating rink. So we promised to take her, but between being sick, working odd hours and her inability to behave at school, that visit has been put-off week by week for almost 2 months. Overall this past week, she's been very good, with minor occurrences of brattiness. She asked this morning if we could finally go tonight (Thursday is Family Night for only $1.00) if she was good at school. I told her we'd see.

Honestly, I've been wanting to go for the past few weeks and have been upset at having to stick to my guns by denying her this reward. Glenn knows how to skate but hasn't visited a rink in about 10 years or more. I was quite a good skater when I last roller skated, WELL OVER 20 years ago! My sisters and I went EVERY Saturday night and always had a ton of fun, even if we did come home with blisters and callusouses galore. Tracie would LOVE for me to skate at work, since it would not only help me get better tips, but also would help us get points during our mystery shops. But being so overweight and so out of practice, I'm just not comfortable with skating on SLOPED drive-ways, near MOVING vehicles, and with FOOD & DRINKS on a TRAY!!! Oh, I think NOT!

Today she did SUPER at school, so we decided to go. We got there 20 minutes before they opened which just drove her crazy having to wait any longer. We were first in line, but they were clearly not ready to open at 7:00 pm and that really bugged her. Finally we got in, got skates for me and her (they don't allow her skate/shoes). I thought I was gonna kill myself the first time I stood up. The skates were tight and not very comfortable. I barely made it into the bathroom alone without falling flat on my face. Turns out the skates were just too new and I needed something a bit more broken in. After 3 more changes of skates, I found a pair I could live with.

Lil' Miss, on the other hand was out on the floor as soon as dad finished tying her laces. She didn't wait for us and had NO FEAR. Again, she continued to wobble and stumble and occasionally fall, but never cried or ever really got hurt. THANK GOD! I made it a couple laps around before the arch on my right foot felt like I had stepped on a BIG FAT rusty nail. I kept re-adjusting and taking breaks, but couldn't quite enjoy it as much as I'd wanted. (I bought new work shoes this week, and the first day with them, I hurt my right foot, so I think this contributed to the pain I was feeling.)

We had a table in the snack area, next to the DJ booth and when I saw what was in that little carpeted box, I suddenly felt REALLY FUCKING OLD! I laughed and told Glenn, "DAMN! Are my grey hairs showing enough for you now? They have a computer that plays whatever song they pull up, and they've got a HUGE library of songs to choose from. The last time I was skating at a rollerrink, they were still using VINYL RECORD ALBUMS!!!"

CD's and rollerblades had not yet been invented the last time I roller skated! Did I mention I'll be 36 years OLD next Friday??? ROFLMFAO!

Glenn's "Mistress"

2005-02-17T00:00:00.000-08:00

I wrote about my kitty cat Jasmine, here, back in September. I mentioned how she had become very attached to Glenn last summer, that she has been known to "push" me out of bed so she could be closer to him, and more importantly to the point now, how I wish I had pictures of them together.

Well, Folks, I aim to please. AND PROVE MY POINT......there is another female sleeping in our bed who thinks she owns this man I love.

Hmph! Bring it on, bitch!

*NOTE*
These sheets are now history! After nearly 8 years, we finally bought new bedding over the weekend! Several BIG fluffy pillows too! Woo-Hoo! Jake really likes this because he now owns the old comforter! LOL!

FINALLY, It's Two Down......More To Go

2005-02-16T21:00:00.000-08:00

Lil' Miss has FINALLY lost her SECOND tooth!

My gawd that tooth took it's sweet time to come out. It's been 5 1/2 months since she lost her first tooth and I thought for sure she'd lose at least 3 more before Halloween. But, NO! Those strong little guys stuck around thru ALL the holidays AND Valentine's Day! Sheesh!

Her top two front teeth are still hanging in there, although they, too, have been wiggly since September. Who knows when they'll decide to let go.

The odd thing here (to me, anyhow) is that while both of her bottom front teeth had been loose for quite some time, it wasn't until her adult teeth broke thru the gums behind the baby teeth, that they finally came out. Is this normal? I'm thinking she's gonna have braces for sure, because the new teeth seem to now be crooked. I'm hoping they straighten out a bit with time.

And for the record, this tooth pulling episode wasn't much easier, as big crocodile tears were shed and Lil' Miss begged us to wait until the morning, even though it was clearly time to come out. I finally got the string around the tooth and pulled hard while she was distracted by dad threatening to use the pliers. She didn't feel a thing and was laughing until she saw the blood pooled in her mouth when she went to check it out. She screamed in terror and began to panic, much to the untimely humor of her dear old daddy. I had to send him away so she would stop crying. (He's won himself another entry into DAD OF THE YEAR awards!) She didn't like the salt water, but when the bleeding stopped, she was happy again and glad it was over.

And so was I, 'cuz she's such a wuss! (Yep, throw another entry in there for me, too, but I speak only the truth people.)

SOS....DD

2005-02-14T21:40:00.000-08:00

Same Old Shit....Different Day

Yeah, today was Valentine's Day. Big Effin' deal.

OK, well for me it is, but more for my kiddos than for me. I'd rather do the "I Love You, now let's FUCK" scenario when I damn well please. Not because of some date on the calendar. Valentine's Day seems to be more for people who are dating and trying to score points. Or for men trying to make-up to their wives because they fucked up and "let their dick slip into some place it had no business being."

But for the kids, it's a lot of silly fun. Ranked 4th right after Christmas presents, Halloween candy, and Easter baskets.

I like getting the kids something cute or funny to show them I love them more than anything. And it's fun to watch them get all silly about it too.

But for me, it's like...."Oh, yay, ROSES. Could you be anymore UN-ORIGINAL?" I like flowers, not just roses, to be given to me when I LEAST expect it. NOW that's cool. And the candy thing....don't need it. Jewelry....rarely wear it.

That's not to say I didn't get something from Glenn or give him something in exchange. It's just not what you would consider ROMANTIC. Loving and from the heart?>>>YES.

With that said, I did wake up in the mood for fun loving today and ACTUALLY remembered to wear my "Be Mine" pin, that I've had since High School. ROFLMAO!!!! Now, if only y'all would remember to send CASH next week for my birthday! Thanks.

QUICK! Walk Away And Maybe No One Will Notice!

2005-02-11T20:45:00.000-08:00

*Alternate Title: "Why I'm No Longer Allowed To Serve Ice Cream to Hotties"

Four cute guys (aprox. 19-21 years old) pull up at work and get out of their car to sit on the patio.

One buzzes in and orders a regular sized Oreo Blast. (Like the McDonald's McFlurry. Except with REAL ice cream and NOT yogurt!)

I happen to scan the order and walk out and say, "So, which one of you ordered the Oreo Blast?"

Skinny guy #1 speaks up, pays me and takes his frozen treat.

I go back inside. BUZZ! One of the other guys orders a Large Oreo Blast.

"Oh, great," I think, "they're all gonna order one-by-one."

Lucky ol' me happens to scan this one too.

Again, I walk outside, only this time I say, "SO.....Which one of you has the large one?"

They all turn to look at me. Skinny guy #2 speaks up, smirks, pays me, and takes the Blast.

It took EVERY OUNCE of composure I had to NOT crack up laughing. If I had, I would NOT have been able to finish my shift because I would have PEED MY PANTS LAUGHING!!!!

"pretend like nothing happened. pretend like nothing happened. pretend like nothing happened." I kept thinking in my head.

The other two decided NOT to order anything.

Damn Lucky for ME, too!

Divorce-sary?

2005-01-24T06:40:00.000-08:00

Does anyone else celebrate the "anniversary" of their divorce? Or am I just really twisted?

Today is the 8th anniversary of my divorce. I remember that day, like it happened in last night's dream. LOL! It was a bittersweet day, and like everything else in my life, didn't go like I thought it would.

I had only been in REAL court once before, and I was only 12 or 13 at the time. I had to testify against this asshole gang member who had broken into our apartment with the help of a "friend" of ours, and stole our tv. We didn't have much in the way of valuables, but that little tv was the best tv I have ever had. I was scared that morning in court but never thought about NOT testifying. In later years, when I would be back in the "hood", and once when I ran into the asshole gang member, I remember being terrified and wondered if he'd remember it was me who had put him away. Luckily he didn't and I stayed away from that area of San Jose from then on.

So anyhow, Tracie took off work to go with me to court for my divorce. Damon was supposed to go, but had gotten transferred to Arkansas just 2 weeks earlier. It was kinda weird and went very fast, and when I walked out of the courthouse, I was like, "That's it? I'm free?! Well, shit howdy, let's party!" Well, actually I did say that, but it was more to mask the emptiness I felt in knowing I couldn't go back and it was all official now. I felt like a failure. And I was angry with Damon for not trying to work it out.

At that particular time, when I still had physical custody of the boys, Damon and I were still on pretty good speaking terms. We had even planned a special 2-person party. We had by chance gotten married on Dee and Pete's 20th wedding anniversary and they had been given this bottle of champagne as a gift. They in turn passed it onto us, to save until OUR 20th anniversary. When we were going thru the whole "dividing up the crap" we were up in arms about what to do with it, not wanting to throw it out or give it away. So we decided that on the day of our divorce, we would get drunk and toast each other for all we had given each other and all we were losing.

Well he DID move away, with Wanda and the boys following a few months later, which was the first time I'd seen him since before the divorce. Obviously not a good time to get together, so it was just set aside, for another time. That bottle has sentimental value, which is really stupid, but I can't see drinking it with anyone else, and haven't given it away. I hope that with time, he and I will again become friends, enough to NOT want to kill each other, and maybe when the boys get married or graduate college or whatever, we can celebrate then. Who the hell knows?

So, anyhow, I don't totally HATE my ex, but there are times I DO. My ex was my "first" and he taught me much about life. He gave me two great boys, and some pretty good years. But he lied to me for most of our marriage, and that, unfortunately was a big part of our undoing. Something I still am bothered by, but don't bother to waste my time on fretting over.

Instead, I celebrate.
A life of freedom to grow.
A world of open thoughts withOUT being narrow minded.
A chance to find someone who will love me for me, without restrictions.
And I celebrate that he got "his." (Sorry, can't elaborate on that, but it is the best punch line to ANY divorce!)

Here's to another year without him!!!

BTW....is there another term other than anniversary, to describe a divorce anniversary?
Divorce-sary?

Children's Books That Never Made It

2005-01-06T02:00:00.000-08:00

Thank to Dale for sharing these.

My Thoughts About My Life

2005-01-02T03:30:00.000-08:00

This is not going to be an easy post. To write or to read, but it's been on my mind for some time and I need to just start banging the keys until I get it out. Please be aware, that while something I read triggered this reaction, it was NOT meant, nor was it taken, as a personal assault upon me, and hence, I wish no ill will to anyone who may read this now. Thanks.

Ok so now that we've got the nice-itys out of the way, let me just say this:

Glenn IS my husband in every sense of the word, whether it has been legal or not. We've talked about getting married....GAWD have we ever talked about getting married! We even went so far as to register and receive a marriage license, but never went through with the actual deal due to events out of our control. It was not something we had planned upon, but life sometimes happens, and we...well more me than him....felt a piece of paper would NOT change how we feel about one another. He calls me his wife more often than he calls me his girlfriend, and vice-a-versa. It's what we feel in our hearts and what we show each other in our actions that mean more than having a fucking marriage certificate. If we really wanted to push the issue, we could say we are common-law married, which Texas does still have, just in a very lax sense. But we don't, and that's our decision and our business, so don't try to tell us why we are wrong. After nearly 8 years together, I can't imagine my life without him, and know he has no desire to be with any other woman on this earth.

Glenn and I have one child together. Her name is Charlayne. She is the most beautiful child in more ways than I ever imagined was possible. She has kept me sane when I wanted to kill myself. She has made me smile when all I could do was cry. She has turned my hair a whiter shade of grey with her fearlessness and numerous trips to the Emergency Room and calls to Poison Control. Char has brought me much joy in her short 6 1/2 years and continues to be my shining star. She is my angel; my baby; my only daughter. Our only child together.

But Char has 2 brothers. They are from my failed marriage. Char adores her brothers and misses them greatly. To her, they are her BROTHERS, not her HALF brothers. Obviously my three kids have two different daddies, but they all came from MY body and all are treated equal. Glenn has NEVER treated my boys like they were "my boys;" he has shown them love and affection and disciplined them as though they were his own kids. When asked how many kids we have, his answer is "3." Chad and Kyle are Char's heroes, and while she has only seen them once in 3+ years, she talks (and argues) with them on a regular basis. She's been brought to tears when she realizes how far away they are and how much she misses them. She doesn't understand divorce and custody or step families. And hopefully she will never have to.

Chad and Kyle, apparently don't live with me. They have lived with their dad and stepmom and stepbrother for 7 1/2 years. This was MY choice, but not one I made easily. I have often regretted my decision to let them live with their dad, but then hindsight is 20/20. Their lives have not been all that bad living with my ex and in many ways they are better off because of it. But there are moments and occurrences that make me shudder that I PUT THEM THERE. I can't undo the past, and I can't control their lives, hard as I wish I could. I've tried being the nice person, the easy going one, the one who is walked all over by both my kids and their other parents.

But this year is going to be different. Actually, last year was different. I put my foot down firmly and said my peace. Whether this has changed me in their eyes has yet to be determined, but I feel better about myself, so it's ok. Not much more can be taken away from me. My ex has made sure the courts are involved and he alone controls this. I can't afford a lawyer to fight him and so I've pussyfooted around his outrageous behavior for many years. But no longer. He can kiss my ass. Yes, he can make sure I don't ever talk to my boys....at least until they are of legal age or run away. He's already made sure I can't see them or visit them, unless on his terms. He can continue to bad mouth me and lie to my boys about me. It won't make the things he says true. Yes, it hurts. Deeply and sharply. But I can't continue to live my life walking on imaginary eggshells he throws out in front of me.

My boys are my boys. I am more than their "biological" mother! I am their MOM, Goddamnit! Nothing will ever change that. But my boys have been living a life outside of MY world, out of my grasp, and away from my influences. These are things I can never get back. All I can do is move forward and try to make MY life the best it can be, and hope that one day, they will have the maturity to handle MY truth, MY world and MY decisions. To worry constantly until then only makes me sicker and less of the person I need to be. For me, for Glenn, for Char and always for them.

Bandaids

2004-12-30T22:45:00.000-08:00

Here's hoping everyone has a safe New Year's Eve!

An Irishman staggered home late after another evening at the pub with his drinking buddies. Shoes in left hand to avoid waking his wife, he tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step in the darkened entryway.

As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

Managing to suppress a yelp, the man sprung up, pulled down his pants, and examined his lacerated and bleeding cheeks in the mirror of a nearby darkened hallway, then managed to find a large full box of Band-aids and proceeded to place a patch as best he could on each place he saw blood.

After hiding the now almost empty box, he managed to shuffle and stumble his way to bed. In the morning, the man awoke with searing pain in head and butt and his wife staring at him from across the room.

She said, "You were drunk again last night."

Forcing himself to ignore his agony, he looked meekly at her and replied, "Now, hon, why would you say such a mean thing?"

"Well," she said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing throughthe house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but, mostly....it's all those damn Band-aids stuck on the downstairs mirror.

Why Driving AFTER Drinking Is A Bad Idea

2004-12-30T22:40:00.000-08:00

Happy Holiday Birthday

2004-12-30T14:00:00.000-08:00

Today is my friend's 33rd birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, T!

But having a "holiday birthday" has GOT TO SUCK. At least I think so.

People tend to forget about your birthday, or try to "combine" gifts, so they don't have to buy more than one, like they would for everyone else who has a birthday not on or near a holiday. Or they try to combine get togethers, so they can say they celebrated your special day. What a joke. That is IF they aren't too busy to even remember your birthday.

My older sister's birthday is Dec. 26th. She's hated her birthday all her 39 years on earth. Everyone is usually too tired from the weeks of excitement and build-up to give a flying fuck about doing anything for her.

My nephew just turned 16 on Christmas Eve, so not only does he NOT get to celebrate with his mom, (dad has dibs thru the day after Christmas), but having a birthday party is out of the question. At least on his official day of birth.

And my oldest son's birthday is 6 months later (or earlier, if you like), near the biggest American Holiday: Independence Day. He has trouble getting his friends together for a party because most of them are away on vacation or have other plans for the 4th of July weekend. He's always wanted a waterpark birthday party, but no one is ever around to go.

I think I'm pretty lucky, tho, because my birthday is exactly 2 months after Christmas. Just enough time for everyone to get past those first shocking credit card bills, almost 2 weeks after Valentine's day, and long enough for me to figure out what I really want for my birthday that I didn't get at Christmas. hehehe.

When I was 11, my aunt and uncle chose my little sister's birthday (near mother's day) to have a BIG celebration for all three of us girls. They called it our "Un-Birthday" party. That was so cool for us that year.

Our house had caught fire and burned down just two days after Christmas*, so not only did we lose all our gifts, but my older sister lost her limited few birthday presents as well. The fire caused us to basically be homeless, though never on the street thanks to the generosity of others. We bounced around ending up at my dad's little one bedroom apartment with my future first stepmom, then when that went south, we were sent to Vancouver, Washington to live with my aunt and uncle. My first day of school there, was on my birthday, and to say I was sad would be an understatement. The airline had lost our luggage, so we all looked like homeless rag-o-muffins, lost without our mom, our home or any special toys to comfort us.

So having an "Un-Birthday" really was a life-saver for us that year. It redeemed all the bad we had gone through, while making us feel incredibly special.

And everyone deserves to feel special for ONE day, at least, each year.

I'd like to suggest that people like Tony be given an extra day, sometime during the un-busy part of the year, to be recognized and celebrated. To know that their birthdays are not forgotten or unimportant.

*It wasn't until just a few years ago (the fire was 25 years ago) that it occured to me that the fire was MY fault. It wasn't intentional, but it was ME who caused the fire that changed our lives forever. I believe this is where my depression began. At the ripe old age of 10. But then that's another post for another day.

How To Confuse Santa

2004-12-23T23:06:00.000-08:00

1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.

2. While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.

3. Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.

4. While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly.

5. Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and corrections.

6. Plug up the chimney

7. Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way home.

8. Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and then say, "This neighborhood ain't big enough for the both of us."

9. While he's in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it. As soon as he comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldn't have missed that last payment, and take off.

10. Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out, with a note that says, "For The Tooth Fairy."

11. Take everything out of your house as if it's just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, "Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime."

12. Leave out a Santa suit, with a dry-cleaning bill.

13. Leave Santa a note, explaining that you've moved. Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house.

Again, thanks to Sudhir for this piece of advice.

Out Of The Mouth Of Babes

2004-12-23T22:55:00.000-08:00

a.k.a. Kids say the darndest things

A visiting minister waxed eloquent during the offertory. "Dear Lord," he began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you we are but dust..."

He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter (who was listening!) leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?"

*Thanks to Sudhir for this.

I've Got Icicles On My Icicles

2004-12-22T16:15:00.000-08:00

To anyone in North Texas who doesn't live under a rock, today's arctic blast of snow, sleet and gusty winds came as no surprise. It's beautifully white and finally feels like Christmas around here.

But doggoneit, is it ever COLD!

Yesterday was a really long, trying day and I was in no condition to be up and about, but UP and ABOUT I WAS. I couldn't afford not to be. I wanted to delegate the errands and chores to Glenn, but he came home with a fever of 101.2F, so I was left with little choice.

I managed to sneak out of the house for an hour, dropping Lil' Miss off with the girls, while I ran to Target to grab a few of the toys she's pointed out. In and out in less than 30 minutes. Gotta love that! Then we came back home and I made a mental list of things I needed to get at Wal-Mart. I tried to get her settled down so I could make a run after she was asleep, since I couldn't take her AND buy presents for her. It was almost 1:00 am before she was ready for sleep. (*sigh* ...vacation means late nights in our house!) Wal-Mart was relatively empty, except for the poor employees trying to pick up the messes made by the masses. I picked up the really GOOD stuff she wanted and then went to the grocery side to pick up some extra stuff to sustain us happily thru the cold weather ahead.

I tried getting gas so Glenn wouldn't have to worry about it, but the crazy pumps wouldn't work for me. They got authorization for my card, but no gas would come out. So I tried another pump and had the same problem, so I just said to heck with it, took my receipts for ZERO dollars (LOL!) and went home. I managed to get a couple hours of sleep before the phone rang at 8:00am this morning.

Turns out my spending spree and the two attempts at getting gas triggered a fraud alert with my bank and they were calling to verify my purchases. How cool was that?!!! Everything checked out fine and I was able to give them the amount I spent before they asked, which made them happy. I was very happy to know that someone is looking after my butt (and my hard-earned money!!).

So I sat here watching the weather reports this morning waiting for the rain to turn to sleet and then snow, as it was already all wintry north of us. I opened the blinds and curtains, so Lil' Miss would see the snow when it came, and turned up the heat to compensate for the additional coldness. I fell back asleep and she never woke me up, instead choosing to hook up the N64 and play her video games.

She was given a "new" game, YOSHI, which she just loves playing. This has really sparked her interest in video games....something I know NOTHING about. She'd be an addict if I let her; I can just see it in her eyes! So I wake up to her playing MARIO CART, pausing just long enough to tell me she finally learned how to play TONY HAWK! Oh yippee skippee...my child is a video game nerd....LOL!

I ask her if she's looked outside yet and she says "no," so I tell her to look out my bedroom window, as the snow hasn't been sticking to the roads out front...YET! There wasn't much to see, and she completely missed it! I point out the fence ledges and rooftops, and she just SCREAMS with excitement!!!

Now a little background here..... about a week, week and a half ago, she decided to write all over my dry erase calendar on the fridge. Long squiggly lines and her "notes," for which she got into trouble. It's MY board and not a toy, I told her. But I left the lines and notes to remind her of what she'd done. One note she wrote, was for yesterday, December 21st. Winter solstice. She wrote, "snow begins" because she believes if it's when winter starts, then there BETTER be snow! She was more than a little disappointed yesterday when the weather was sunny, and not a single snowflake in the sky, and was not comforted by the thought of pending snow today.

So yeah, my daughter is not only gonna be a video game junkie, given the opportunity, but she has apparently inherited the ability to see into the future. And she isn't even related by blood to the Great Swami! LMAO!

Seven Wonders of the World

2004-12-14T05:00:00.000-08:00

A group of students were asked to list what they thought were the present"Seven Wonders of the World." Though there were some disagreements, the following received the most votes:

1. Egypt's Great Pyramids
2. Taj Mahal
3. Grand Canyon
4. Panama Canal
5. Empire State Building
6. St. Peter's Basilica
7. China's Great Wall

While gathering the votes, the teacher noted that one student had not finished her paper yet. So she asked the girl if she was having trouble with her list. The girl replied,"Yes, a little. I couldn't quite make up my mind because there were so many."The teacher said, "Well, tell us what you have, and maybe we can help.

"The girl hesitated, then read, "I think the 'Seven Wonders of the World' are:

1. To See

2. To Hear

3. To Touch

4. To Taste

5. To Feel

6. To Laugh

7. And to Love."

The room was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop. The things we overlook as simple and ordinary and that we take for granted are truly wondrous!

A gentle reminder that the most precious things in life cannot be built by hand or bought by man.

One Kiss

2004-12-14T04:40:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the princess's lap and said:

"Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in your castle with my mother where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so."

That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a divine meal of lightly sautéed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself:

"I don't freakin' think so."

I'm Not Ready For You To Grow-Up!

2004-12-11T04:15:00.000-08:00

OH NO! Not yet, please!

Lil' Miss finally asked "the big question" on Thursday and I panicked. But what do you say?

WHAT
DO
YOU
SAY??????

Out of nowhere, she asked me if I believed that Santa was real!!!

Wholly Shit! I was so NOT ready for her to ask that question YET! Maybe in another year or so. But NOT now!

I've always believed in letting a child enjoy their youthful imagination until they were ready to grow up. I figured that once one of my kids asked me about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, or the Tooth Fairy, I'd be grown-up enough to tell them the truth and let them down easy.

Kids are not stupid and know more than we give them credit for. If they ask you a serious question, you should always answer truthfully, even if you have to take the kid gloves off. If you lie and they find out, your credibility is shot to hell and they will be less likely to ask you the more important questions later in life or believe you when you need them to.

I've always been a believer in HONESTY, even when it hurts. Tell the truth and let the chips fall where they may, but you can sleep better at night. Sometimes this moral policy of mine has gotten me into trouble I'd rather not be in, but I wouldn't change a thing if I could.

So what did I say when she asked me?

Well, after I began breathing again and stopped staring at her...

I CHOKED!

Crashed and Burned!

Bit the dust!

My nose grew 6 inches immediately!!!!!

Me: "Well, what do you believe, huney? And why do you ask?"

Her: "So-n-so said he's not real and that people just pretend he is. But I think he's real."

Me: "Well, the Santa you see at the stores and on TV isn't real. So we do pretend in that way. But as long as you think he's real, that's all that matters."

Her: "Yeah, kinda like Jesus and GOD, huh?"

OH, SHIT, NOT THIS QUESTION! Ask me about ANY thing, but THIS!!!

Me: "Ummm, yeah I guess."

Her: "See, I knew Santa WAS real!"

Me: "Yep, he sure is!"

I hung my head in shame and didn't sleep very well, knowing I missed a perfectly good opportunity to come clean with her.

On Friday she asked me again, and again, I lied.

I'm just not ready for my baby-girl to grow up or be disappointed and let down. Especially so close to Christmas. And we've only got to play Tooth-Fairy once! *waaahhhh*

I never got the chance to deal with this, with my boys; they were living with their dad when their older step-brother spilled the beans.

I want to sit her down and tell her the truth, but now I don't know how.

What do you say? *sighs*

Hormone Hostage

2004-12-09T23:15:00.000-08:00

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his very life into his own hands!

This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.

Pass this onto all of your hormonal friends and those who might need a good laugh! Or men who need a warning!

And remember:
Money talks...but chocolate sings.

Another giggle... My husband, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. When I'm in a good mood, it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me diamonds.

Here, have some chocolate.

Daddies

2004-12-09T23:05:00.000-08:00

BOYS WOULD READ MORE

KIDS WOULD GET MORE REST

WORK WOULD GET DONE MORE EFFICIENTLY

POTTY TRAINING? WHO NEEDS IT!

And of course
KIDS WOULD BE MUCH MORE ABLE TO EXPRESS THEIR EMOTIONS

Anniversary Number 21

2004-12-08T23:00:00.000-08:00

Today is never an easy day for me, and it's been 21 years now. I'm only 35, but Today, I'm 14 again, wishing for another Yesterday. Hoping to wake from the nightmare my life became on December 9th, 1983. Here is a repeat of what I wrote just 366 days ago....

20 Year Anniversary
Post Date: Tue Dec 09, 2003

Today is the 20th anniversary of the day my childhood officially ended.

It's a day that changed my life forever. A day I don't think I can ever forget. Especially not those few unexpected moments, the shock, the disbelief, and immense sadness. Yet somehow, I don't remember crying that evening; not one wet tear. It was the day my mom had her stroke.

For years, I referred to it as the day mom had an aneurysm (a word I didn't know, I didn't know, and one I wish I didn't have to learn). But in later years I learned the generic term...STROKE! Tell someone your mom had an aneurysm, and you spend a good amount of time explaining what that is, and recalling a devastating time in your 9th grade year of high school. But tell them she had a stroke, and no real explanation is needed. I prefer to say stroke because it is easier on me, but I NEVER forget the brain aneurysm that nearly ended her life that very morning, while standing in the living room at my grandparent's home.

Mom lived 8 1/2 years longer than most people who suffer such an trauma, but she was never quite the same. Lucky for her, the brain damage took away almost all her bad memories, but it also took away her independence in life, and that was something she knew and it broke her heart to be that person. She was suddenly the child, and we were the grown-ups. She never stopped being my mom, though...not for a second.

I remember forging another note excusing me from school that day. (Having students working in the attendance office was probably one of the stupidest ideas ever implemented at my first HS; I hadn't spent a full day in school since maybe the first week of school, and this was the beginning of month four!) But this time, I had plans...a full weekend of fun with my best friend, Jeannette. After riding the public transit buses clear across Santa Clara county to meet up with Jeannette, I was upset to learn her mom had grounded her and forbid her from leaving for the weekend. Not like that ever stopped Jeannette, so we packed a bag and sneaked out while her mom rested on the couch. We hauled ass to catch the next bus, before her mom found out. It seemed like a long bus ride that day. Maybe it was because we had to sit in downtown longer than usual or maybe it was because we were so excited to get to my house to have fun. My mom wouldn't have said much about Jeannette's leaving against her mom's orders; she personally didn't like her mom all that much, and knew Jeannette was having a hard time adjusting. We would all have fun hanging out, listening to the new Michael Jackson album Mom had bought and stay up late laughing and giggling, while eating ourselves silly.

We lived in a little nook, just off the highway and an expressway surrounded by a large six-foot brick wall. That night, I remember walking along the expressway and under the freeway, and coming to that wall. It was sunset and it was really getting dark fast. Just a few more feet and we'd turn onto my street, and be just steps from home. When suddenly I heard this wailing, that to this day was unlike anything I have ever heard. But oddly, I knew in an instant it was my little sister. Being the tough tomboy she was, not much made her cry, and I knew something was dreadfully wrong. The three of us turned the corner at the same moment, facing one another, and she just looked at me, scared to death, and blurted out something about mom being in the hospital. Now us girls are notorious for pulling stupid pranks, but I doubted this was one of them. I didn't understand all she was saying, but we rushed upstairs just the same. The rest was and is a blur to me. I recall tidbits here and there, like calling my first boyfriend, and begging him to come over (he never did), and being chewed out by someone about not coming home from school on time, and having to call Jeannette's mom to come get her (it would be years before I saw her again).

Someone came and picked up us three girls and took us to the hospital. Mom looked like death, all bloated and bruised, and with tubes and wires in every conceivable place you could see, and probably some you couldn't. I remember sitting down with the doctor and hearing him tell us what an aneurysm is, and how she was lucky to be alive. "LUCKY?!!! Are you fucking crazy?," I thought. "When was she gonna come home, and how long until she was better?" That's when we were told we wouldn't know UNLESS she woke up.

One of us girls got the bright idea to call my aunt and my dad to let them know what had happened. How we wished we hadn't made that call. We never imagined it would mean we would have to move to L.A. to live with dad. (That's a whole other story!) One crazy week later, we were packed up and loaded in a van headed for our new life. We kept hearing how it would only be 6 months until mom was better and could take care of us, and that gave us hope. It also made us angry to have to leave our friends and everything we knew, when we'd surely be back before long.

As time passed, that hope faded, and the following November, mom was finally well enough to visit us, so her and Kim came down to stay for a few days.

And that's when I knew.

Mom was now 40 years old, but had the mental capacity of a 7 year old on a good day. She was tough as nails, and survived something that SHOULD have killed her, but she would never be the same, and neither would we.

What the...???

2004-12-05T22:55:00.000-08:00

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.

Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.

In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.

A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.

As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard (barely containing his laughter) who had watched the whole incident walked up and asked, "What the heck is going on here?"

The drunk, still staring down replied: "I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost"

Holly Finkel

2004-12-05T22:25:00.000-08:00

A sweet grandmother telephoned Mount Sinai Hospital. "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"

The operator said "I'd be glad to help, Dear. What's the name and room number?"

The grandmother in her weak tremulous voice said, "Holly Finkel, room 302."

The operator replied "Let me check. Oh, good news. Her record says that Holly is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged Tuesday."

The Grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful! I was so worried! God bless you for the good news."

The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Holly your daughter?"

The Grandmother said, "No, I'm Holly Finkel. No one tells me shit!"

un-HEALTH-y UPDATE

2004-12-05T21:15:00.000-08:00

Yeah, so you told me to go to the doctor, didn't you? But did I?

*Hanging my head* NO! *sigh* ....but I had a good reason. Umm....well, I didn't think I was that bad, and besides, I didn't have any money. I guess I could've gone and sat at Parkland for 12+ hours, but that just wasn't an option. I could have called my dad and asked for money, but pride prevented that.

Today though, I decided I HAD to go. We'd just gotten paid on Friday, and now had money in the bank. Well, money for BILLS, anyhow. But I really needed to go. Maybe it wouldn't be that bad.

I was wrong; it WAS THAT BAD! 3 hours later, and $200 in the hole, it IS definitely bad. Now I have to figure out what bills are NOT getting paid this month. UGH!

I am going to stay home tomorrow... I already asked Nancy to work my shift ...because the medicine is gonna kick my butt for a couple days. And I just really needed a break to catch up on sleep and try to get better, so I can work like a dog until Christmas gets here.

And to top off the wondrous day, I asked Glenn to call the boys for me, since I haven't had time, energy or A VOICE to talk to them in over a week. He spoke to K (not who I would have chosen as messenger), then got a "nice" little phone call back from my ex. Glenn was great; kept his cool and said little. Damon, on the other hand thought he had the right to bitch out Glenn, because supposedly I've been making promises to the boys (which I have NOT) and he's wanting to know all about my health and what I'm gonna do. A$$hole!!! Somebody smack the record player, 'cuz this albums got a scratch in it! Would it have been better to NOT call and at least let them know I'd been sick and was at the doctor's and would hopefully be calling on Tuesday if I felt better? Or should I have just let them wonder and worry? Gawd, I hate fucking with that man and his arrogant ways. I can never win, no matter what I do.

Dear Guardian Angels,
Please give me strength, once again, to deal with Mr. Perfect, without breaking down and crying and without getting into a screaming match, that I will surely lose. As usual. Please help him and the boys to see the better side of me, and not the bad side they are now perceiving. Please give me strength to get well, and the ability to overcome the "issues" I hold inside, without making more mistakes that others will pay for. And please protect me from the dark side of my mind, which at this time is fighting for control. PLEASE!!!!
~Zette~

Fight With The Little Woman

2004-12-04T22:15:00.000-08:00

Walking into the bar, Henry said, "Pour me a stiff one, Eddie. I just had another fight with the little woman."

"Oh yeah," said Eddie, "And how did this one end?"

"When it was over," Henry replied, "She came to me on her hands and knees."

"Really? Now that's a switch! What did she say?"

She said, "Come out from under that bed you little chicken!"

New Adult Only Airline

2004-12-04T21:45:00.000-08:00

The only Terrorist-Proof Airline in the business where we can absolutely guarantee no walk-on guns, knives, box cutters, shoe-bombs or other weapons carried onto our flights!

Yes, here at NAKED AIRLINES we care about your safety and IT SHOWS.....

You don't instinctively panic when someone yells, "We're going down!"

The liquor bottles aren't the only obviously undersized objects on the flight.

Look at those beautiful leather seats! Never mind -- that's just the AARP group returning from Cancun.

Three straight hours of the guy next to you asking for help adjusting his seat belt.

"Sorry about that turbulence, ladies and gentlemen; my co-pilot grabbed the wrong stick."

"Ladies and gentlemen, the captain has turned off the No Groping sign...."

"We'll now begin pre-boarding for passengers with cups C through D."

You lowered your window shade, but you can still see a full moon. Six of 'em, in fact.

Earning Mile High Club membership requires much less strategizing than with other airlines.

At meal time, nobody orders the pulled chicken.

"... and those of you on the left side of the cabin, if you now look to the right, you can see the towering timber of flight attendant Brian."

It's much easier to tell when somebody's coming down the aisle with nuts.

"And now in the left aisle, serving cocktails, come on guys, put your hands together for *Taammyyyy*!"

Forget flotation devices....after what those seat cushions have been through, you'd rather drown.

Cereality

2004-12-04T13:30:00.000-08:00

"The latest fast food concept is so absurdly simple, self-indulgent and reflective of one's inner child that, well, how can it fail?"
~Jerry Shriver~
USA TODAY

OH MY GAWD! I am so absolutely blown away by this idea, that I'm just sitting here in AWE! I LOVE CEREAL!

Growing up, my sisters and I ONLY had cereal to eat each morning, because MOM was a single mother working double-time to raise three fiesty girls. It was easy and affordable on our budget, and she didn't have to worry about us burning the apartment down while she was at work. Twice a month, on the weekends, MOM would get up and cook us either pancakes or eggs and bacon. And occasionally we were treated with oatmeal, both instant and old-fashioned. But it was the cereal that sustained us during our youth.

When I was pregnant with my oldest son, I lived on Cheerios and peanut butter & jelly sandwiches. Everyday. For 9 months.

After my youngest son was born, I finally got to be a stay-at-home-mommy. When I saw all the other mommies making their kiddos hot meals each day for breakfast, I began to feel really guilty. My boys had a cupboard full of over half a dozen types of cereal to choose from, and almost never got a hot breakfast. (It was a dark period of discovering my life-long depression and they were lucky to have gotten cereal.)

Then one day, I saw a report on the differences between kids who were given hot meals of eggs, oatmeal, pancakes and the such versus kids who were given cereal each morning. It was shocking to find that the kids on the cereal diets were not only healthier but did better in school because unlike the hot breakfasts, their cereals were fortified with vitamins and minerals that many kids just weren't getting as part of their RDA.

Vindication! I never felt guilty again about feeding my kids lots of cereal.

When I was pregnant with Lil' Miss, I went on a cereal binge like NO OTHER! My pantry had over 20 different types of cereal and I ate several bowls everyday. It was not unusual for me to take cereal to work with me, and just buy the milk there, if I ate it with milk at all. My boys were in heaven when they came to visit because they were sure to find at least one of their favorite cereals at my house. Cereal was my comfort food and the variety was endless.

One thing that my sisters and I used to do when we were at the end of a cereal box, was mix two different kinds of cereal to make a full bowl. This always seemed weird to me, but I was never disgusted by the endless combinations we could make.

Cereality encourages this fun exploration of combinations. With toppings for your cereal ranging from frutis and nuts to Pop-Rocks and Whopper's Malted Milk Balls. Oh, the sugar rush you'll have from one of those! LOL! They offer fresh-baked cereal bars, smoothies, parfaits and snack mixes. And they even have this really cool milk-tight bowl, that looks like a Chinese take out box.

Yeah, $2.95 may seem a bit much to pay for a 32-ounce bowl of cereal but in comparison to the price of a cup of coffee at Starbuck's and how much more you get with the cereal, it seems such a bargain. Plus you get to try cereals in a smaller portion that you might not want to buy as the whole box.

These college students sure are lucky!

I'm Zsa-Zsa Applesprinkles

2004-12-02T19:20:00.000-08:00

Sometimes when you have a stressful day or week, you need some silliness to break up the day.

And, if we are honest, we have a lot more stressful days than not.

Here is your dose of humor... Follow the instructions to find your new name.

The following in an excerpt from a children's book, "Captain Underpants And the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants" by Dave Pilkey. The evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names......

Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name:
a = poopsie
b = lumpy
c = buttercup
d = gadget
e = crusty
f = greasy
g = fluffy
h = cheeseball
i = chim-chim
j = stinky
k = flunky
l = bootie
m = pinky
n = zippy
o = goober
p = doofus
q = slimy
r = loopy
s = snotty
t = tootie
u = dorkey
v = squeezit
w = oprah
x = skipper
y = dinky
z = zsa-zsa

Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:
a = apple
b = toilet
c = giggle
d = burger
e = girdle
f = barf
g = lizard
h = waffle
i = cootie
j = monkey
k = potty
l = liver
m = banana
n = rhino
o = bubble
p = hamster
q = toad
r = gizzard
s = pizza
t = gerbil
u = chicken
v = pickle
w = chuckle
x = tofu
y = gorilla
z = stinker

Use the fourth letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:
a = head
b = mouth
c = face
d = nose
e = tush
f = breath
g = pants
h = shorts
i = lips
j = honker
k = butt
l = brain
m = tushie
n = biscuits
o = hiney
p = chunks
q = toes
r = buns
s = fanny
t = sniffer
u = sprinkles
v = kisser
w = squirt
x = humperdinck
y = brains
z = juice

For example:
John Kerry's new name is Cheeseball Girdlebuns.
George W. Bush's new name is Goober Chickenshorts.
William Jefferson Clinton's new name is Bootie Liverbiscuits.

Now, let the rest of us know WHO YOU ARE by leaving your name in the comments! Thanks!

And remember that children laugh an average of 146 times a day; adults laugh an average of 4 times a day.

When a Woman Lies

2004-12-02T19:00:00.000-08:00

One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "My dear child, why are you crying?"

The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family.

The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with pearls.

"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.

The seamstress replied, "No."

The Lord again dipped into the river.

He held out a silver thimble ringed with sapphires.

"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.

Again, the seamstress replied, "No."

The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble.

"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.

The seamstress replied, "Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.

Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water.

When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, "Why are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with Mel Gibson.

"Is this your husband?" the Lord asked.

"Yes," cried the seamstress.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding.

You see, if I had said 'no' to Mel Gibson, you would have come up with Tom Cruise. Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three.

Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said 'yes' to Mel Gibson."

MORAL: Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honorable reason, and in the best interest of others.

That's our story, and we're sticking to it.

A.A.A.D. Disorder

2004-12-01T19:45:00.000-08:00

*A.A.A.D. Disorder

I'm sure some of you can relate, and those who can't, well trust me... someday you will!

Recently, I was diagnosed with A. A. A. D. D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests:

I decide to wash my car.

As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the hall table.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the trash can under the table, and notice that the trash can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the trash first.

But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the trash anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my checkbook off the table, and see that there is only one check left.

My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.

I see that the Coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye--they need to be watered.

I set the Coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote.

Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when I go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the TV room where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.

I splash some water on the flowers, but most of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day: the car isn't washed, the bills aren't paid, there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter, the flowers aren't watered, there is still only one check in my checkbook, I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasses, and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail.

Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!

And it can begin any time after turning 30!

GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY.
GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL.
LAUGHING AT YOURSELF IS THERAPEUTIC!

*I don't know where this ditty came from, but someone sure has MY number! ~Zette~

Something Different

2004-12-01T19:30:00.000-08:00

Today is the First Day of the Last Month of this Year.

When this year started out, I was trying hard to get my wings fluttering with FlyLady. Her motto for the year was "Less is More in 2004!" While I have stepped away from Dear Ms. FlyLady, I have not forgotten some of her valuable lessons.

One of the most important lessons for me deals with letting go of our perfectionism. Basically, even a less than perfectly done job, is still better than if you didn't ever start it. This goes against everything so many of us are taught growing up. While I think learning how to do something 100% correctly is important, and a goal to strive for, trying to be perfect often gets in the way of everything else. We miss the forest for the trees.

Anyhow...

The end of the year is upon us, as are the holidays. With all the chaos and stress this can bring, we tend to stop enjoying the season and some of us will fall deep into depressions that may take months to overcome.

In trying to "clean" out my numerous email boxes (Yep, still working at that monsterous task!) I'm noticing lots of jokes and silly stuff, that I've really wanted to pass along and share. But I know not everyone has the time, energy or desire to sort through all the crap I tend to send out.

So this is what I'm going to try to do instead:

Because I want to get rid of some of the excess stuff in my email accounts, but I also want to share some of what I find humorous with others, and I think this time of year we could all use an extra smile here and there....I'm going to try to post at least one joke or funny email to my blog everyday, for the rest of the month.

Whatcha think? Does this sound like something you might want to read?

I hope you enjoy some of what I post and if not, I hope you will not be offended.

Lady In Waiting

2004-11-26T02:15:00.000-08:00

So..... We FINALLY had Lil' Miss' portraits taken a few weeks back. And being the "bad mommy" that I am (LOL!), this was the first time I'd had her portraits taken in OVER 4 years.

Blame it on lack of money. Lack of transportation. Lack of drive. Or just plain old laziness. But the only pics I have of her for the past several years are from our personal pics, nothing professionally done.

But we did it. And for the most part, they came out great. One particular picture came out really GREAT! I've gotten some really nice compliments on this picture, and I wish I had ordered more up front. (It costs more now.)

Well, we went to pick up the pictures Wednesday night. Pay and pick up only. Never mind the fact that it was 7:30pm and the studio "officially" closed at 7:00pm. Or that it was the night before Thanksgiving. The girl who had taken the pics was finishing taking pics of another family and seemed to have no problem with us being there after closing. As she got ready to start their order, she asked us if we were in a rush. "No" we said, just happy she was willing to service us when she didn't have to. "Good, because I wanted to talk to you about something. Not bad, though." "Oh, OK."

So we waited a little bit longer and Lil' Miss played with the little boy while his parents looked over everything. The photographer finally handed us our package minus one picture. "I'd like to know if y'all would be interested in having this picture entered in a photo contest?" (It was our favorite picture of Lil' Miss, but then we're kinda partial!) "REALLY? Cool! Yeah, that would be GREAT!"

Glenn asked, "what would she get if she won?" "Babe! It doesn't really matter," I said. The girl said she wasn't sure of all the details, but she believed that if her picture was chosen, she'd likely end up with it displayed in studios across the nation, at least.

SWEET!!!

Now, again, I've always been partial to my daughter, as any parent would be. But I've always believed she would be a great model/actress. I could see it in her from the time she was born. But images of Macauley Caulkin and other spoiled little rich kid stars kept me from even exploring that idea. While getting an oil change earlier this year, I was stopped by a man who told me I should seriously get her into modeling, if for no other reason than to pay for college.

Hmmmm, very enticing, but I just can't bring myself to throw her into something she hasn't asked about doing, even if I see it in her. Am I wrong here? I want her to have the best that life can offer, but not at the expense of her being a normal child. If, when she's older, and shows a desire to do something like that, I'd be all in it for her. Just not right now. Thank you anyhow.

Miss Independent

2004-11-19T06:00:00.000-08:00

Lil' Miss has continued to surprise me this week with the little things she does.

I know, not a big surprise, as this is an ongoing part of being her mom, but I just finished laughing my butt off so hard that it just gave me warm fuzzies to watch and listen to her.

I have stayed up later than I should this week, visiting with a friend, and have not wanted to get up when I needed to. Well today, before my alarm ever went off, there she was, standing next to my bed talking to me.

"Mom. Could you brush my hair for school?"
"Yeah baby, in just a few minutes."
"Mom, I brushed my hair. Is it time to go yet?"
"Not yet, honey."
"Mom, I put all the juice boxes in my backpack."
"Well, that's good sweetie."

About this time, my alarm goes off, as does the phone, with Glenn calling to make sure I'm awake.

"Y-Y-Y-E-E-E-S-S-S-S....I'm aw-w-wake, but suddenly I'm fr-fr-eeeeez-zing," I said through chattering teeth.

Lil' Miss comes in and hits the snooze alarm for me, after asking if it was ok.

I notice she is still in her pajamas, but eager to get ready to go to school. I tell her where she can find the clothes I just washed last night, and off she goes in search of them. I'm still shivering wildly, which is so weird and now my ear hurts and my head aches. I crawl out of bed, find some sweatpants and turn the heater WAAAY UP!

Then it hits me...she put ALL the juice boxes in her backpack?????

She's out of school all next week and her class is having a feast today as part of their lessons on the first Thanksgiving. We got picked for juice boxes for 24 kids. How I wished we only had to send popped corn, but oh well. I go check on her backpack and it's so doggone heavy. I take them out and tell her I will drop them off at school on the way to work, later this morning, much to her dismay.

She brushes her teeth, alone and without complaint, then grabs her coat and is ready to walk to school. "Do I get a hug and kiss today?" She laughs and runs back to me, rolling her eyes at how silly she is to have forgotten. "You sure you'll bring the juice boxes?"

"Yes, in a few hours, before I go to work. Don't worry; your feast isn't until this afternoon."

"But MOM! I really want to take them now"

"They're too heavy."

"I can carry them, Mom. PLEASE!"

"Oh, ok." And I put the two bags of juice boxes into her backpack. 6.75 ounces each. 24 boxes. Just over 10 pounds on her skinny little 47 pound body. I watch her begin to waddle down the drive way, urging her to hurry up and not play or she'll be late.

She makes it one house down before she stops and stoops down to examine a new ant hill. I holler, (YES HOLLER) "Get a move on or you'll be LATE!!!" She looks at me like I'm crazy, then makes an effort to stand up, but falls down. She tries again; same results. She tries a third time, and we both just start laughing so loudly! "MMMOOOOMMMM! Can you help me get up?" Thru tears, I manage to put a jacket on and get over to her to pull her up, the weight of the backpack winning this battle.

She starts to walk off and I notice the pulled backpack has her butt nearly fully exposed as it has bunched up her dress under her jacket. I laugh and stop her to fix her "wardrobe malfuntion" and then notice she has obviously grown these past three months because her dress doesn't even touch the tops of her knees anymore. Gee, hope the Principal doesn't stop and harass her.

Lil' Miss was waddling and wavering, and I just knew she wasn't going to make it to school. So I grab the keys and drive around the corner, to find she is basically walking at a snail's pace and hasn't made it but a few houses. "Mom, I think I'll take a ride to school today." The juiceboxes in her backpack were just too much and she couldn't even get into the car. "Take off the backpack, put it in the car, then crawl in." She barely gets it in and onto the floorboard and then slides in.

We laugh the entire 1/4 mile to her classroom, where LUCKILY there was a "Smiling Dad" (who had stuck around after enjoying the annual "Donuts for Dad" that Glenn sadly missed this year due to work) helping kids out of the cars. He was surprised at how heavy her backpack was and helped put it on her as she explained to him about the feast and all the juiceboxes she had brought. He just laughed and got her on her way. THANKS SMILING DAD!

I'm thinking, if I had NOT had a car today, she would STILL be walking to school, if not sitting on a sidewalk along the way, unable to stand up unassisted! LOL!

She cracks me up!

I Never Promised You a Rose Garden...

2004-11-18T06:45:00.000-08:00

....but I did promise you a happier post, didn't I?
;)

So anyhow, about a month ago I told you I had a storm of ideas running through my head that I wanted to write about and turn into blog posts, but I couldn't seem to get any words to come out to expand upon. I didn't want to lose these ideas, so I began many draft posts here so that when I had the time or felt the urge, they would be close at hand. Yeah, and I have them all written down in one of my notebooks that I carry with me all the time...LOL!!!

Being the Queen of Procrastination though, I've done nothing with any of these ideas other than look at them. Until now. I'm feeling the urge to write. To work on getting past this low I've fallen into this past week. And the only words I can think to write are far from happy. So maybe it's time to do a reality check and remember some things that don't make me feel so crappy.

Things that make me feel Happy!

* Hugs, especially from people I love, but hugs just feel good
* Kisses: soft warm kisses laid gently upon the nape of my neck; wet sloppy kisses planted on my cheek & kisses blown across a room from my kids; hot passionate kisses that meld us into one
* Smiles: BIG bright welcoming smiles given freely and without expectation
* Babies laughing: pure, unadulterated innocence at it's finest
* Fresh Cut Grass: this is especially true at Spring's beginning or near a baseball field
* The sound of rain upon my window
* The smell of fresh brewed coffee, not too strong
* Vanilla candles burning gently
* Birds chirping gleefully
* Cats purring and kneading (as long as the claws don't get too close)
* Warm towels from the dryer after a nice long shower
* Talking to my boys on the phone
* Seeing my boys in person
* Enjoying a newly developed roll of film with pictures you've forgotten about
* Finding money in a jacket or purse you haven't used in a long time
* New toothbrushes
* Cold brisk air while driving down the freeway in an overly warmed car
* Dark rich chocolate that melts in your mouth
* Thanksgiving dinner with all the trimmings
* Finishing "that" book you haven't had time to read
* Getting mail: email and snail mail
* Being able to buy that something special you've had your eye one, that just went on sale
* Talking to friends online
* Visiting with friends at home
* Seeing the underdogs win
* Orgasms: mine, his, and hers
* Seeing Tigers
* Winning a little something at Bingo or from the Lottery
* Watching the kids discover something new, that we take for granted
* Getting paid
* Clean windows and glasses to see clearly thru
* Knowing and feeling I am loved
* Watching the kids open gifts
* Being able to watch my favorite show without interruptions
* Paying off a lingering debt
* Doing a job well done
* Thinking about MOM
* Body surfing at sunset
* Sand in between my toes
* Listening to the ocean waves crash against the shoreline
* Picnics in the park
* Rollercoaster rides, especially when the lines are short
* Splashing in mud puddles
* Massages: especially "butt" massages when my back and hips hurt
* Shooting stars
* Watching planes take off and land
* Long hot bubble baths by candlelight
* Warm sunshine on my face on a cool wintery day
* Crawling into bed after washing the sheets and blankets
* Breakfast in bed
* Fragrant Star-Jasmine outside my open window
* Learning something new
* Holding hands in public
* Finding a "George"
* Getting a Freebie in the mail, I had forgotten I requested
* Silky soft legs after shaving
* Flowers received unexpectedly
* Listening to a new CD all the way thru
* Freshly painted walls
* Hearing an old favorite song on the radio
* Getting a new haircut
* Playing with other people's hair
* LOVE

Surely, I've forgotten plenty of things, but that's ok; I feel much better already.

Pumpkin Seeds

2004-11-01T21:00:00.000-08:00

I grew up in the late 70's/early 80's just as all the Halloween Candy scares began to smother what used to be a ton of fun for neighborhood kids, one night a year.

I don't remember crowded streets on Halloween night, such as what was depicted in the movie E.T., but our streets were pretty busy. Busy enough, that in later years, MOM didn't have to take us out, and we all looked after one and other. We knew our boundries and what houses to avoid and how long we could stay out before having to come home to check in and drop off some of the loot from our heavy pillowcases.

I don't remember really having to have my candy checked before eating it, but I know my little sister did in her final years of trick-or-treating. I remember making a final stop at Grandma and Grandpa's house to show off our cosutmes and TONS of candy, while awaiting a special treat.

I remember eating most of the GOOD STUFF before a VERY LATE bedtime, while the cheap candy seemed to last forever.

I remember running smack into a thick strong wire, anchoring a new tree when I was Lil' Miss' age. In the dark. Across my neck. Feeling totally unable to breathe. Cursing out loud for the first time in front of MOM.

I remember my older sister and her hoodlum friends stealing bags of candy from younger, unattended kids. I remember me being the reason she got caught and grounded by MOM. And her hating me.

I remember MOM and Grandma trying to make Kim and I look as much like Electra Woman and Dyna Girl, even though we couldn't afford the actual costumes. I remember having to explain who Electra Woman and Dyna Girl were to EVERY adult. And why "our" versions had me (the blonde) playing DG, while Kim (the brunette) played EW, which was backwards. And hating that.

I remember big Halloween Parties at school, followed by a HUGE parade of costumes on the blacktop by all the students who had worn their costumes to school. No matter how scary they were.

And I remember the excitement of scooping out the guts of our pumpkins, to see who would have the most pumpkin seeds to roast. This was by far, one of the greatest treats of Halloween, no matter how old I got. I just assumed EVERYONE did this.

Until four years ago, when I left Glenn and his mom in charge of the jack 'o lantern carvings while I got Lil' Miss ready for her FIRST trick-or-treating experience.

When the dust had settled that night, I asked about the pumpkin seeds and did we have a lot this year? I was looked at like I was crazy or speaking a foreign language. I explained again, "You know...the seeds INSIDE the raw pumpkin...did we have a lot?" "Dunno, we threw all that away."

That rang through my head with great confusion as I pondered whether they were pulling my leg, or had really THROWN AWAY THE BEST PART OF HALLOWEEN!!!! Nope, the seeds were history. They had never heard of saving the seeds and roasting them.

OK, I may have grown up in California, and not the backwoods, hilly-billy parts of rural Texas and Arkansas, but surely they had seen pumpkin seeds sold in the stores next to sunflower seeds, right? Yeah, but they didn't realize they actually came from the insides of pumpkins.

WHAT? OMG! They were dead serious. And I was out of luck.

Not to be robbed of my pumpkin seeds that year, I went out and bought more pumpkins, and then taught them how to save, clean and prepare the seeds. It was "interesting" to be sure.

And just another reason why I love Glenn and his mom as much as I do. They're great.... FUN!!!

I Wanna Be The Yellow Brick Road

2004-10-25T20:25:00.000-07:00

Still in need of a quick, inexpensive idea for a last-minute Halloween costume?

Check out this book for some "interesting" suggestions.

How well do you write?

2004-10-07T11:00:00.000-07:00

Came across this story today and personally I think it's long overdue, but likely won't get much attention or cause much reform.

Now, I'll be the first to admit that I suck at spelling...which is exactly why I keep at least one dictionary on my desk*. I use it all the time. I even just bought a cheap thesaurus a few months back. My punctuation leaves lots of room for improvement, too. (I like to use exclamation points, periods and commas WAY TOO much, but it's my style. I don't write like that when it's not appropriate.)

But, while I am far from perfect, one of the fastest ways to turn me off when reading is to find lots of writing errors, especially spelling errors. In searching through some blogs, I've found some of the WORST writing ever. And not because someone can't spell, but because they prefer to write everything in "slang." This, to me, is just flat out annoying!

I know that I also tend to ramble on and on and on.... It's a bad habit, but I'm trying to be better.

I have one other writing problem that wasn't mentioned: legible handwriting. Again, this is a problem for me, and I therefore tend to type my letters and print them, instead. It's not that I can't write, but rather my handwriting is sloppy and I make LOTS of mistakes. I end up re-writing my letters over several times which just causes hand cramping. If it MUST be handwritten, I find it easier to type up what I want to say, then edit and correct without any problems before polishing it up and printing it up. Then I copy it with care in my "bestest" cursive writing.

Writing is not hard to do, it just takes a little more focus, people!

*And yes....I've heard that Blogger's spell-checker SUCKS!

Gross Out

2004-10-06T22:30:00.000-07:00

*WARNING*
The following post is really sickening, so if you have a weak stomach, you may want to skip this one. ~Zette~

Have you ever had one of "those" bad smells in your house, but couldn't quite figure it out? Last week, I could swear my house smelled like urine. "It" was probably one of the nastiest smells ever. Or so my sinuses thought. No one else could smell "it."

I kept smelling "it" in the bathroom, which would seem appropriate, but even after cleaning EVERYTHING, including the shower curtains and plunger, I could still smell "it." Nothing seemed to work. My boyfriend thought I was losing my mind. Ditto for the babe. My sister said she didn't smell anything but "dog" smell. Damn! Dog smell?!! Great, I hadn't noticed that one until she said something and now that TOO was driving me and my nose crazy!

I wiped everything (light switched and door knobs, too) down with Lysol wipes. Still there. Pine-Sol was hardly noticeable after using it. Finally, BLEACH. Nope! Now my eyes burned along with my nose. Wonderful. I went out and bought a bunch of air fresheners and some carpet fresheners, but they only lasted a short time, before the smell was back. Even all my awesome candles barely covered the stench.

Finally, I realized the smell disappeared shortly after vacuuming the house. At least for a little while. Could it be the dogs I was smelling? OH GAWD! It was! Stupid dogs!

Apparently they have been "playing" out back in their own urine! YUCK! At least if had been feces, I would have seen it! GROSS! Hopefully the rain we are gonna be getting "cleans" it away throughly! At least I hope so. Probably gonna need to go to the pet store to get something to prevent this from happening again. Or maybe to the vet for "idiot dog" medication. *sheesh*

Both of them got MAJOR baths today, but I'm gonna have the carpets cleaned just to be sure it's all gone.

Suddenly I can smell clearly again.

Almost too clearly!

Sex By The Numbers

2004-10-04T21:00:00.000-07:00

From the October 2004 issue of "O, The Oprah Magazine"

SEX BY THE NUMBERS
A Quiz

They say that when it comes to sex, people tend to flirt with the truth. So, how much do you know about the state of sex today? Test yourself and find out!

1.)The average number of sexual partners an American woman will have in her lifetime:
a.~Ten
b.~Six
c.~Twenty
d.~Two

2.)The average age at which women lose their virginity:
a.~14
b.~15
c.~16
d.~17

3.)The percentage of women who say they have sex once a week or less:
a.~45%
b.~61%
c.~89%
d.~32%

4.)The percentage of wives who admit to cheating on their spouse:
a.~50%
b.~90%
c.~15%
d.~25%

5.)The percentage of men who say their partners have an orgasm during sex:
a.~97%
b.~83%
c.~44%
d.~11%

6.)The percentage of women who actually do:
a.~10%
b.~29%
c.~49%
d.~73%

7.)The percentage of men who enjoy receiving oral sex:
a.~45%
b.~33%
c.~67%
d.~76%

8.)The percentage of women who love to give it to them:
a.~86%
b.~57%
c.~23%
d.~17%

9.)The percentage of men who find performing oral sex "very appealing":
a.~9%
b.~20%
c.~34%
d.~56%

10.)The percentage of women who say they use erotic materials to "put them in the mood":
a.~16%
b.~21%
c.~32%
d.~40%

Answers HERE!

Jazz

2004-09-25T00:35:00.000-07:00

I have a cat...her name is Jasmine (or Jazz for short). She will be 2 yrs. old (human years, that is) somewhere around Halloween, although her exact birthday is unknown to us. She is unlike any cat I have ever known and I wouldn't trade her for the world.

Jazz was actually an early Christmas present for a former friend of ours who was staying with us through the holidays in 2002. Said friend's mom owns a pet feed store who keeps unwanted pets to spare them from ending up euthanized. The store was crowded with product, surrounded by cage after cage of young kittens while outside she kept puppies in a fenced pen next to the entrance to the store. I went with her to pick out a kitten one day, and was amazed at the sheer number of pets she kept. She had her pick of dozens of kittens but was drawn to Jasmine.

I wouldn't have picked Jasmine. She was scrawy, tiny, and not really all that cute in comparison. But then, it wasn't my decision.

When the friend moved out right after Christmas, Jazz was left with us "temporarily." We had had 2 cats already; Frank was a Christmastime baby, born just a few days before Christmas the year earlier, and Pip Squeak, was a dumped stray we brought in from the outside one cold wet night. Frank was last seen just before Jazz came to live with us after he had been accidently pushed out our front window by our then puppy, Fang, who was sniffing him out and ended up spooking him so badly he knocked the screen out of the window. We found a new home for Pip Squeak about a year ago. But Jazz wasn't going anywhere. When said friend asked for "her" cat back, I had to explain that this was the ONLY home she'd ever known, and that Lil' Miss was too attached to Jasmine after many months with us and not seeing or hearing from "her". She agreed and decided it was best to leave Jazz with us.

Jazz had been born at that pet store, to a mother cat who couldn't or wouldn't feed her, so Jazz was never allowed a chance to bond with another cat, like most do. She was stricly hand-fed, and thus has a disticnt preference for humans. Her cat instincts are not like that of other cats. She is not and never has been independent in the sense you would expect from felines. She is VERY dependent on the absolute attention of her human care takers (US). She doesn't fight against the abuse kids have given her. She just goes limp and takes it. And actually, sometimes I swear she craves it.

Jazz had the hardest time this summer with Lil' Miss being gone, because Lil' Miss has always been her greatest fan. While Lil' Miss may occasionally terrorize our kitty, it has rarely been out of meanness. She loves that cat and considers her to be almost like her best friend (and probably the best "TOY"...LOL!). To compensate during Lil' Miss's absense, Jazz became rather attached to Glenn. He would sit and pet her for hours. I wish I had pictures of the two of them snuggled up on the couch or in our bed!

When Jasmine began going into heat late last year, I thought I was gonna kill her for all the times she kept me awake at night howling. It was not something I was familiar with and it bugged me endlessly. And it didn't help that is seemed her heats would run at the same time as my periods, so my PMS bitchiness was unbelievable! Thanks to the internet, I learned that her howling was not so much an effort to attract a mate (her scent did that) as it was her dealing with the pain and discomfort of being in heat. I looked into getting her spayed, but female cats aren't really very inexpensive, so I waited, feeling guilty that this angel of a cat was suffering. When I came across a special ad being run by a local vet clinic, I made the appointment and dropped her off. While the surgery went well, Jasmine's reaction to the anesthesia did not. Her large pupils stared into space while her little body was unable to stand or even sit, without swaying and falling over. We took turns staying up with her overnight, watching her vomit up the medicine that was supposed to ease her pain during recovery. When we were unable to get her to drink water, even just a drop at a time from a baby medicine dropper, we knew it was time to call the vet. She had become very dehydrated and unresponsive and we were worried she wasn't gonna make it. Doc gave her a full days worth of fluids under her skin, which caused a big "Hunchback" look to her, along with another round of antibiotics and said to call if she wasn't better by the next morning. That night she started to stabilize herself and was able to walk short distances and even began to drink small amounts of water. It took several days before she was close to normal, and I wondered how she would have been able to make it if she wasn't such a push over to constant human contact. It was a scary week and one in which we all learned stuff we didn't know.

But now, some 5 months later, Jasmine is back to her old self, minus the howling. She eats a lot more than she EVER did, and has become a great source of love and entertainment to us all. She goes to bed with Lil' Miss most nights, and wakes up snuggled in our blankets. She has more than once "pushed" me out of bed, so she could be closer to Glenn. It's pretty cute.

The past few days, she's been acting really silly, racing thru the house, doing laps, grabbing at the dog's tails and ears, or our feet as we walk by our bed from her new hiding spot under our bed. Tonight she was running so fast that she ran smack into me and my poor little toes. The look on her face was priceless. She tried to stop, but in doing so just dug her claws deeper into my feet, and it was like "oh, shit!" She's only now coming out of hiding to see if I'm mad at her. LOL!

Jazz is our sweetie pie...our comforter.....our little ball of fur! But she's ours, although I tend to think she feels we are HER'S!!! Time to move her out of the way so I can get some sleep! Goodnight, y'all!

Customer Service

2004-09-14T16:00:00.000-07:00

Well... my cable has finally been fixed.
I can finally watch my local channels with as much clarity as can be expected.

This feat, ONLY took:

6 weeks
8+ work orders
30+ phone calls to their local 24-hr "help" line
1 LONG call to their TOLL-FREE "help" line
1 LONG email
6+ messages on stupid-visor's voice-mail
5+ REAL contacts with stupid-visors
3 repair technician visits
1 repair technician stupid-visor visit
1 line technician visit
1 line technician supervisor visit
2+ "visits" that NEVER happened
FREE HBO for six months
FREE cable for at least a month

Plus lots of frustration, anger, tears, and yelling along with some moments that you could ONLY laugh at!

Now they want me to update my account to their new package, from the "grandfathered" account I have had since it was AT&T cable. This would include the new Cowboys channel (YUCK!) and the DIY network, in exchange for losing STARZ package and some misc. channels, for more money!!!! LMAO!!

Yeah, keep dreaming guys!!!!!!

Needle Phobia

2004-09-08T20:00:00.000-07:00

Dead tired and more exhausted than I have been in a long time, I dragged my ass out of bed today at just after 5:30am (only 2 hours AFTER finally falling asleep). Lit a cigarette and tried to keep my eyes open while waking up. When suddenly, some of the fog lifted and I realized I had awoken 30 minutes before the damned alarm!!! Grrr!!! I could swear that I heard it buzzing, but since the alarm was clearly set for 6:00am, I must've been dreaming. I hate that!

Oh well, might as well try to get moving. Gonna be a busy morning and I can't miss it.

Had to take my sister to the dentist to finally have her 4 wisdom teeth pulled. I was lucky to have had mine out 17 years ago, when I wasn't such a sissy about dentists. She'd been putting this off for YEARS, but a couple months ago, the pain and irritation was just too much to take, so we made the appointment. This was our 3rd visit to this office, and they knew us well. Kinda hard to forget a 34 year old needle-phobic woman and her hand-holding sister.

She wanted to be knocked out completely...no chance of knowing what was happening around her. I tried explaining that the gas would only relax her and make her "not care" about what was going on. "WHAT?!!" She was suddenly panicked, as she hadn't realized this before. THANK GOD! So I asked the nurse, and she concurred with me, but pointed out my sister WASN'T being gassed. "Ummm...yeah she is. Otherwise all you're gonna see of her is the blur of her running out the door!" Nurse checked the chart but couldn't find the doctor's notes saying my sister was deathly afraid of needles and would need gas for any procedure involving needles or pain. So there was a slight delay in getting this approved and bringing the gas mask in to be hooked up. GREAT! Just what she needed was more time to worry about what was going to happen.

My sister asked the nurse and I how much extra it was gonna cost for the gas.
Nurse: "I'm not sure."
Me: "Does it really matter right now? You NEED it!"
She agreed and tried to relax.

Doc comes in. Picture "Larry" from "Three's Company." This doctor was his flamboyant twin. I'd noticed him strutting around the office on our last visit, chest pushed out with the v-neck scrubs, gold jewelry and large gold pendant hanging from his neck. Doc doesn't say a word to either of us, but started to rearrange the gas line and mask. Puts it on my sister and finally says hello. Then, without warning and without the use of a cotton-swabbed anesthetic FIRST, he grabs the first of 12 needles and begins to shoot her gums up with medicine! At least he was pushing it slowly, but she was not a happy camper! She whined and wiggled and squeezed my hand so hard my finger was literally turning purple and feeling tingly. We make it thru the first 8 shots fine, and then Doc had a brain-fart the size of Texas.

"OK, now I'm gonna stick a needle in the roof of your mouth to numb that too."

The nurse and I shot each other a fierce glance! My sister just about came out of that chair, but the gas kept her from being able to stand, so her legs just kinda slid off the side and she grabbed my hand for leverage.

"OH MY GOD!!! DON'T TELL HER THAT!!! JUST DO IT!!! WHY DO YOU THINK SHE NEEDS THE GAS???," I snapped at the Doc. The doc quickly apologizes and helps get her calmed down again before continuing. Idiot! After shooting her with 4 more shots he leaves to help another patient while the meds kick in. And that's when the fun really began.

Why didn't I bring a camera? Or camcorder? Oh yeah, cuz she would've killed me! LOL! Sitting there watcing her fumble to speak, slapping herself and wiggling her tongue while trying to talk and say things like, "mye mouff fevfs swowwin," had me in tears from laughing so hard. She was definately feeling the gas now!!! "Eye fevf watawdid. Nowz eyes nofes how watawdid ppeeeple fevf." Her eyes were glazing over and I couldn't help but notice how much she reminded me of my mom in her worst times, at that moment.

Now, I've never been one to shy away from the sight of blood and guts (except in horror movies), so I watched a little bit of the oral surgery. Very interesting. But I hadn't eaten since last night and I could feel myself getting sick, so I turned away and concentrated on keeping her relaxed. Rubbing her arm while holding her hand; unclenching her left hand when she was clawing at her jeans. And in just a matter of minutes Doc tells her it was over.

"Youf donef awreafy??"

"Well, yeah, unless you want me to keep going and take more out!"

"NO!" and we all laugh.

Where was the darned camcorder when you need it????

Day Dreams

2004-09-07T20:45:00.000-07:00

My ride to work today was different.
Instead of feeling rushed, tired, stressed or worried, I felt absolutely EUPHORIC.

It was awesome.
I wanted to bottle up how I was feeling and save some for a later day.
I wished I could truly describe it.
And I wish I knew WHY I felt this way.

I hadn't got much sleep, and truthfully, when I woke up today the only thing that got me moving was the fact that I needed to stop by Blockbuster to return a movie because I REALLY didn't want to pay another late fee.

I didn't get laid last night.
I don't do drugs (unless you consider Diet Vanilla Coke a drug).
Hmmmmm....was my Diet Coke from McDonald's spiked with something?
Nah.
I couldn't have won the lottery, 'cuz I didn't play.
My ex-hubby didn't come to his senses and decide to give me custody of the boys.
I didn't wake up on a beach with the waves crashing soothingly just yards from me.
No one around here mowed their lawns this morning.
I missed my daughter's reaction to finding what the Tooth Fairy left under her pillow.
I didn't get to hear her laugh or receive hugs and kisses this morning.
There were no puppies or kittens playing around me.
No Star-Jasmine bushes blooming outside my window.

So what was it that made me feel so airy, peaceful and carefree?
And how the hell did I make it to work without getting into an accident?

I dunno. That's the gazillion dollar question.

25 Days Later...

2004-09-06T20:00:00.000-07:00

...and Lil' Miss has finally lost her FIRST tooth!!!!

She nearly lost it yesterday while eating, when twice she bit onto it and it began bleeding. It was so loose you could literally move it into a horizontal position. But she was NOT having any part of letting us pull it out for her. She babied that tooth out of absolute fear. She would barely touch the pizza slice that had been cut into itty bitty pieces for her today.

So we put on our best "salesman" faces and tried to convince her of the need for it to come out.

"You don't want it to come out at school tomorrow, where you might lose it, do you?"
"Do you want it to fall out when you're eating and possibly swallow it?"
"It's already bleeding and that blood could cause an infection and then you'd get sick."

Yeah, so maybe the scaring-the-crap-out-of-her tactic wasn't working. Bribery?

"If we can get it out now, then you'll get a visit from the Tooth Fairy TONGIHT, plus then we can go see Harry Potter at the theatre and you can eat whatever you want!"

"OK."

Note to those of you who have yet to go thru this: waxed dental floss is a bad idea. It slips off very easily. And if you aren't very good at tying little knots, you may want to enlist some help. We finally went with plain old sewing thread. However, trying to get that sucker around that baby tooth WAS NOT easy. It took two of us, and a pair of needle nose tweezers to hook that loop onto the back of her tooth.

Then we switched on the video camera, sat down on the edge of our bed, she shut her eyes tight while squeezing my hand and said, "OK." Daddy yanked the string quickly.

We didn't see the tooth come out, but we heard it. That little booger went flying across the room and smacked right into one of the pictures on the wall!!! OHMYGOD, we lost it!!! Lil' Miss opened her eyes and said, "did you get it?", oblivious to our sudden panic. "Yeah, it hit the wall." She felt the now empty space in her mouth and starting laughing. It hadn't even hurt one little bit! Luckily we quickly found the tooth on the bed, showed it to her then had her go rinse with salt water. YUCK!

Well we made it to one of the few theatres still showing Harry Potter, and Lil' Miss ate and ate and ate, until we thought she was gonna bust!! My poor baby, must've been awfully hungry the past couple of days.

And now she can't stop playing with the new space in her mouth.

I bet the next tooth "falls" out much quicker!

Vitamin Q

2004-09-06T09:45:00.000-07:00

Vitamin Q was one of the first blogs I began reading on a regular basis almost a year ago. It is a randomness of trivia, that is so obscure at times that I question who the sane ones really are. Q has even gone so far as to have a book published with his random lists (due out in the UK next month) which speaks volumes for his popularity.

However, since I began working again in February, I haven't been back to visit Q nearly as often as I'd like. So today I took the time to go back over some of the posts I'd missed. I found an entry I really wanted to share with you, so......the following is directly from his blog :

~ Sunday, April 11, 2004
TRUST NEVER SLEEPS Part One
Some people and things you should never trust
according to folklore, popular culture and the wild world web:

never trust a pirate / never trust human resources / never trust tofu / never trust a dead man / never trust a carny / never trust a hungry dog / never trust a stranger / never trust a naked car salesman / never trust a man with a pony-tail / never trust a crying dame / never trust a nun with a gun / never trust a person whose eyebrows meet in the middle / never trust a Klingon / never trust a feminist in heels / never trust a man with a tidy desk / never trust hackers / never trust a stranger / never trust user input / never trust a leprechaun / never trust a poet with your only daughter / never trust a Christian cowboy / never trust glue / never trust an elf / never trust a man in curlers / never trust the homeless

never trust a monk / never trust a dentist with gold teeth / never trust a cloud / never trust a sailor / never trust anyone in uniform / never trust the voices in your head / never trust a pretty face / never trust a Canadian / never trust a gambler / never trust a drunk American / never trust anyone who spells cool with a K / never trust a wandering saint / never trust a man with white socks and slip-on shoes / never trust a monkey / never trust a man whose beard and moustache don’t match / never trust a quarter inch bolt / never trust film critics / never trust a therapist / never trust a bleached head and a smile

never trust a rabbit / never trust a man with five chins / never trust a naked Nazi / never trust a skinny cook / never trust a ‘silent’ customer / never trust anyone with a better suit than yours / never trust a cat / never trust a penguin / never trust imperialists / never trust squirrels / never trust a hippie / never trust a movie studio / never trust a blonde / never trust reheated rice / never trust anyone who says ‘trust me’ / never trust a robot / never trust anyone online / never trust a woman / never trust a statue / never trust a Nigerian phone seller / never trust the quiet ones / never trust the media / never trust a Vegas woman / never trust anyone under 30 / never trust anyone over 30 / never trust anyone

Boys Are Great....

2004-09-06T03:55:00.000-07:00

Every Girl should OWN one!!!

This is by far one of my favorite shirts. Not only is it comfy and a really cute pink, but the message it sends just reaks of GIRL POWER!

Girl Power....not something I ever thought anything about until Lil' Miss was born. Yeah, I was born a split-tail, but from the moment I came screaming into this world, I was determined not to go quietly along. I questioned everything, much to the dismay of my mom and most of my teachers. "Why?" "Why not?" "How come?" "But..." These are all questions that got me into trouble, yet part of why I don't feel I am a follower. (And why so many think I am a trouble maker.)

This weekend my daughter tested my patience with the exact same questions and I wanted to pull my hair out!!! And yet somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew she would also question authority growing up, which can be a powerful thing if you can handle the criticism for asking. GO, GIRL! GO!!

When she was a really little Lil' Miss, I used to listen to "No Doubt" A LOT! One of my absolute favorite songs from their first album, "Tragic Kingdom" was "Just a girl." I saw this song performed, sadly not live at Texas Motor Speedway, but in a re-broadcast on MTV, where Gwen Stefani OWNED the stage and stole the show, about the same time as I conceived Lil' Miss. It was a powerful message for me, being newly divorced, feeling free to be ME, and discovering I had a whole side of sexuality and sensuality that I had never been allowed to explore.

I dread the day my baby discovers these things for herself, but knowing they are inevitable, I hope I can be there to guide her through it, and hope she doesn't have to wait through a bad marriage and 28 years to discover it.

GIRLS RULE!!!

"Just a Girl" No Doubt (Gwen Stefani/Tom Dumont)
Take this pink ribbon off my eyes
I'm exposed
And it's no big surprise
Don't you think I know
Exactly where I stand
This world is forcing me
To hold your hand

'Cause I'm just a girl, oh little ol' me
Well Don't let me out of your sight
Oh I'm just a girl, all pretty and petite
So don't let me have any rights
Oh... I've had it up to here!

The moment that I step outside
So many reasons
For me to run and hide
I can't do the little things I hold so dear
'Cause it's all those little things
That I fear

'Cause I'm just a girl,
I'd rather not be
'Cause they won't let me drive
Late at night
Oh I'm just a girl,
Guess I'm some kind of freak
'Cause they all sit and stare
With their eyes
Oh I'm just a girl,
Take a good look at me
Just your typical prototype
Oh... I've had it up to here!

Oh... am I making myself clear?
I'm just a girl
I'm just a girl in the world...
That's all that you'll let me be!

Oh I'm just a girl, living in captivity
Your rule of thumb
Makes me worry some
Woh I'm just a girl, what's my destiny?
What I've succumbed to
Is making me numb
Oh I'm just a girl, my apologies
What I've become is so burdensome
Oh I'm just a girl, lucky me
Twiddle-dum there's no comparison

Oh... I've had it up to!
Oh... I've had it up to!!
Oh oh oh oh oh ... I've had it up to here.

Lil' Miss

2004-08-13T01:00:00.001-07:00

Lil' Miss @ 5 1/2 months young

My baby girl is growing up. *sigh* At the ripe old age of 6, Lil' Miss never ceases to amaze me.

She's been gone visiting grandma & pa for almost the entire summer. I've missed her like crazy, but she was having so much fun, we allowed her to stay a month longer than we had planned to. I waited by the phone on Thursday evenings, knowing this was when she'd call. Hoping to get a glimpse into her world. Wishing I was there to see her explore the mountains of Arkansas, discovering lots of new things.

For almost 4 weeks, she had a "pet" lizard, who wasn't afraid of her, and who freely wandered the house. When grandma noticed he wasn't looking well, she convinced Lil' Miss to "send him to visit his other lizard friends." She took him outside and set him on the side of a tree. He just stood there. Thinking he didn't see any friends, she picked him up and took him to another tree. Again, he just stood there. Not to be deterred that easily and wanting to help him, she gently picks him up again and tries a third tree. As soon as his little feet touched the bark, he BOLTS , causing Lil' Miss to bust into tears. She didn't even get to say goodbye to her friend.

She also had a couple of tadpoles who, as I was informed, would grow into frogs! Pa and her found them when they went fishing with her new Spider-Man fishing pole: a gift daddy had bought her the first day of summer. I was told they'd be coming home with her, but sadly, one day they were gone. Not sure if Pa used them for bait or if they died in the small jar she left out in the summer sun.

When she was tested late last school year, we were informed that she only ranked 48 out of 100, for kids her age and grade, in reading comprehension. Not bad, but not as high as we'd like, so we got tough on making sure she practiced more. We sent a TON of study material for her to work on a little each day while at Grandma's, although we cautioned grandma not to force-feed it to her and let her work at her own pace. She worked hard the first few weeks, then slacked off, and I was kind of concerned since she would have less than 2 weeks before school started by the time she came home. Her first day home, she's sitting on my lap, "Cat in the Hat" book in hand, and asks me to read it to her. I begin reading, but still have a cigarette in my other hand, so I pause to put it out. Without skipping a beat, Lil' Miss starts reading where I stopped!!! Not just sounding out the words, but actually reading them! Thinking she has simply memorized the book, I turn ahead a few pages and ask her to continue reading, and again, she starts reading! My mouth drops and Grandma and Pa look over at me and smile. "Hasn't she gotten so good at reading?" "YEAH! Oh My Goodness!!!" "She's been reading the booklets you sent over and over all summer long." She has progressed to a point I wasn't expecting until well after Christmastime; she is actually recognizing words and not having to sound out each word. Lil' Miss beams with pride and finishes the book.

Yesterday, while daddy is getting ready to go to work, Lil' Miss lets out a blood-curdling scream! "MOM! MOM! MOM!" We both jump and and nearly knock each other over trying to get to her. She comes running down the hall, bouncing into the room with the biggest smile on her face and her finger in her mouth, "MY TOOTH IS LOOSE!" She has been waiting for this moment for well over a year! At times, she'd break down and cry, "I'm never gonna lose a tooth!", after another classmate had lost a tooth. This is a BIG milestone for us all....her FIRST loose tooth. I just can't put into words what all this means.

*note to self....pull out babybook and write this down!

On Tuesday, we watched ABC's Extreme Makeover Home Edition, where Ty and his team were making over a house whose oldest son had become paralyzed in a car accident a couple years ago. They added a therapeutic pool in the backyard, an elevator to take him to all 3 floors of the house, and a ton of other awesome things, as usual. And as usual, at the end of the show, I was in tears of joy for this family and the incredible feat perfomed by the show. Lil' Miss looks over at me and says, "Why do you look so sad?" (Yeah, I cry at the drop of a hat, but she still asks me this after every show.) I explain why and she smiles and gives me a hug.

Then on Wednesday evening, out of nowhere, she asks me, "Remember that show we watched yesterday, where they put the pool in the backyard for the guy in the wheelchair?" "Yes, why?" "Well........ummm.......how does he get into the pool?" My eyes just freeze on her, as I realize how much thinking it took her to get to that question, and I just smile a BIG smile. "That's a GREAT question, huney, and I wondered that myself when watching the show." I then explain that towards the end of the show, I saw the answer....a seat attached to the arm of a crane that was attached to the side of the pool. "OK, but how does he get into the chair?" I proceed to explain this, using a couple of different chairs near the window. "Is that how he gets into bed, too?" "Basically, yes." "Why does he need a pool?" I explain how he can't use any part of his body from his chest down and that his arms are kinda like his legs now, in that he must use them to roll the wheelchair EVERYWHERE, and they need to be strong, but that they also getting very tired and need to relax. WOW! What a lot of new information for her little mind to absorb. You can see the wheels turning in her head and suddenly she just smiles and says, "Oh, OK!!!" And then drops the entire subject as she turns back to watch Cartoon Network.

My heart fills with enormous pride and I can't stop smiling.

Dear Guardian Angels,
Please let me keep my little girl just a while longer.
I know her teenage years aren't far off,
but let her stay 47 pounds and 48 1/4" tall for a bit.
Keep away the training bras and maxi-pads,
and let her dolls and hot-wheels be enough excitement for now.
Save her innocence as long as you can
and protect her from anyone who would break her heart.
Keep her safe and spare her mental health.
She is, afterall, my little girl.
Thank You,
Lil' Miss' mom

Only Time

2004-08-01T21:04:00.000-07:00

How is it possible to be both worn out and revved up at the same time?
By the same thing, none the less?

I got an interesting voice message from my ex yesterday. Yet when I called him back, he put my youngest son on the phone and told him he'd talk to me "later". Today was later. Now obviously my hands were sweating and my blood pressure was racing, because usually when he wants to "talk", I end up in knots and tears; a mess for days on end. I never know what to expect.

What did I do NOW? Could this have anything to do with his wife being in Mississippi alone for the first time EVER? What did trouble did my boys get into this time? Who died?

I used to love talking to my ex for hours at a time. It was one of the biggest assets in our marriage when we were newly married. And even though our divorce wasn't all roses, I still liked talking to him after he was re-married. Afterall, he had been my closet friend for so long and I felt blind trust in him.

But life changes and so did we. I had found a new love to talk to and share my thoughts with. And with time, my conversations with my ex became more and more "resented" by his new wife. How could I make her undestand I didn't want him anymore and that too much had happened for me to EVER want him again? Now that's not to say I don't still wonder about what life would be like if we had not gone thru the big "D" and how much I still love the man he USED to be. Or should I say, the man I thought he was. But who he's become now, is a man I trust no further than I can throw him; a man who still makes me nervous and anxious, but never in a good way anymore.

I find his "Jeckyll and Hyde mixed with Godfather" demeanor to be very unnerving. Much like the father he claims raised him. Yet, he doesn't see himself as that. He thinks he is all about integrity, honesty, dignity and loyalty, but actions speak louder than words. Ya know?

So we spent well over an hour just talking today. And somewhere I found the strength to say things I've held inside for way too long, to not cower to his overpowering attitude towards me and I managed to only cry once, but not because of anything he said. It felt GREAT! We were both calm and open to saying what needed to be said without saying everything we wanted, knowing it would just start a fight and end up accomplishing nothing. We talked about the boys. We talked about work and everyone's health. We talked about our sex life...or lack thereof....at the end of our marriage. And he was shocked to hear that my boyfriend was standing right beside me as all of this was said. ("I hide NOTHING from Glenn," I told him.)

This conversation was long overdue, and went pretty well, in my opinion, but I wonder what changes will now come because of it? Will he change his tune once his wife is back in town?

Only time will tell. Only time.

SLEEP

2004-07-15T22:50:00.000-07:00

We sleep for 1/3 of our lives. Or so say the experts. Yet most of us spend a lot of time walking around sleep deprived.

Bears eat an outrageous amount of food then hibernate for months at a time. Even giving birth to their young'ins, completely oblivious to the munchkin's arrival. Must be nice. To sleep for months that is. But if they, too, are sleeping 1/3 of their lives, would that mean that a short 4 month nap allows them to stay awake for the other 8 months of the year? I dunno.

Infants sleep around 20 hours a day. They are really throwing the curve off for us, as they spend over 80% of their day asleep. As do their much older generation...senior citizens. They are habitual nappers. They seem to always get their full 8 hours of recommended sleep each night, after having had several naps during the day.

Something happens to us around the end of puberty. We begin a habit, one that stays with us for most of our lives.

First, it's that extra bit of independence gained with each passing birthday. "I'll sleep later" is a phrase heard by many younger people. Sleep is lost when Exam time comes. Which is made only more elusive by that "REALLY GREAT PARTY!" But it doesn't get any easier when our schooling ends. We are now hard-working, income-earning adults who need that stress release at the end of the week.

Eventually we find that someone special. We are finally spending more time in bed, but usually NOT to sleep. After endless days and nights in bed, (only getting out to eat or pee), we learn we are expecting an "addition" to our twosome.

We spend countless hours day and night hovering over the toilet, because "Morning Sickness" is a misnomer, afterall. Dad-to-be is also short on sleep as he is out running to all-night convienence stores, drive-thru's and pharmacies. We spend the last days of our pregnancy unable to get comfortable...thinking of all we still have to do...and wishing our "bundle of joy" would hurry up and get here.

Once we bring Junior home, we think we will finally be able to sleep, since Junior is expected to sleep at least 20 hours each day. But again we are fooled, as we find sleeping more than 30 minutes at a time, nearly impossible.

This eases with time, but just about when we start to sleep more regularly, Junior gets sick and we find ourselves in the ER all night long...followed by days of tending to his every whim as if he were an infant again. A 3 hour nap feels like a piece of heaven. It will be years before we are able to sleep "normally."

Time passes much too quickly and before you know it, Junior is a teenager with enough hormones to fill a football stadium. You both spend hours awake each night, waiting for him to come home. Wishing he'd call. Constantly worried for and about him. It doesn't end when he moves out.

You find your empty nest much too quiet now. You're exhausted from boredom and need to take a nap. Just a small one, though. But as each birthday passes, you find that 8 hours of sleep at night just isn't enough and you are now taking longer and more frequent naps.

It's unfair. Sleep is wasted on the young and old. When you were getting lots of it, you didn't know to appreciate it, and now you're forced to wait to get any.

Tick.
Tock.

Tick.
Tock.

Tick.
Tock.

Free to be Me

2004-07-13T14:43:00.000-07:00

It's amazing the crap your mind comes up with when you're tired. Or maybe, it's just weird, scary and obscure.

Today, I'm sitting here zoning out, when I notice the tag on my sport bra.

95% cotton, 5% lycra/spandex.

And I think, what is lycra/spandex? And how did it get mixed up with a good ole boy like cotton? How do they combine the two? And are they sure it's exactly 95/5? What if the spandex snuck in a little extra of itself and is really 10%? Is it mixed up really well or is the part that covers my tits more cotton, while the spandex is digging into my shoulder blades?

Which led to this odd bit of mental activity:
Who wears a sports bra? Do you have to be playing sports to wear one or is this a fashion faux pas? And does it matter what your age is, or size might be? Should some people JUST NOT wear sports bras, like some people should stay away from thongs?

I'll be the first to admit...I'm not a young girl and after 3 kids, I don't exactly have itty bitty tittys, but it's comfortable; most of the time. It keeps me from flopping around like an overturned Jell-O mold on a plate that is being held sideways. And while I don't like wearing bras most of the time, this is a compromise for those who might be offended or bothered with my bra-less attitude.

Hmmmm....I dunno. I like my sports bra, and like the way my thongs make me feel. But rest assured...I won't be flashing either out in public.

Sex By The Numbers Answers from Oct. 4, 2004

2004-07-04T21:00:00.000-07:00

SEX BY THE NUMBERS QUIZ RESULTS

Here are all the correct answers:
1.)~B~The average number of sexual partners an American woman will have in her lifetime is six.

2.)~D~The average age at which women lose their virginity is 17.

3.)~B~The percentage of women who say they have sex once a week or less is 61%.

4.)~C~The percentage of wives who admit to cheating on their spouse is 15%.

5.)~C~The percentage of men who say their partners have an orgasm during sex is 44%.

6.)~B~The percentage of women who actually do 29%.

7.)~A~The percentage of men who enjoy receiving oral sex is 45%.

8.)~D~The percentage of women who love to give it to them is 17%.

9.)~C~The percentage of men who find performing oral sex "very appealing" is 34%.

10.)~A~The percentage of women who say they use erotic materials to "put them in the mood" is 16%.

From the October 2004 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine